Whose life is it anyway?

Unfortunately, most of us go through life exactly the same way a treasured object whose owner loses to the waters of the ocean while aboard a cruise ship would behave L .Notice the object gets more beat up the further it travels through the currents of the ocean because it is pummeled by the waves and the elements as it floats aimlessly and endlessly. Finally, it may drift ashore onto a beach. Sometimes someone who happens to be on the beach recognizes the treasure in the object, picks it up appreciating its value and then decides to take it home and put it into good use. Other times, this treasured object might not be so lucky and it simply gets buried in the sands of the beach forever.

A lot of us still believe that life is happening to us when in fact; we are active participants in charting the courses of our lives through our current actions, thoughts, and words. We are creating either consciously or unconsciously every single circumstance, experience, events and even people that come into our lives.

Our biggest problems include the following, a) Having the courage to step into our lives; b) Having the courage to take full ownership of our lives; and c) Having the courage to live life as fearlessly as we possibly can without worrying about what other people will think of our actions.


 The sad truth is that often times, we tend to play the role of outsiders in our own lives who are merely on the outside, looking in! An outsider is usually unable to do much in a situation that he does not own or control. Fear usually holds us back and makes us slaves to other people’s toxic emotions, feelings, and opinions. Unless we are still minors who continue to be answerable to parents or guardians and other care-givers in their lives, nothing should stop us as adults from asserting ourselves in our own lives and being fully present in it!  

For me, truly living our lives to its fullest potential, means taking full ownership of it and resisting that urge that makes us constantly to seek approval and validation from everything outside of us because we have so much power in us to make anything happen!

A life that is lived through the mirror of another’s experience, feelings and opinion, is a tainted life. Until we assume full ownership of our life by living it on our own terms, we really have not started living; we are merely simply, existing.

I personally believe that a lot of inventions, dreams, and aspirations that potentially could have re-written the course of human history are taken to graves by its owners on a daily basis simply because their owners never quite emerged into their own lives!

People sometimes seek affirmations and approval from others and end up abandoning a dream that could have been worth so much! Sometimes, the person you are seeking affirmation from is not on the same frequency as you to appreciate the genius behind that dream or aspiration; or, he does not appreciate the meaning and magnitude of that dream to you; or, he may be simply misguided by other negative emotions like jealousy or envy; or even, they simply lack the requisite expertise needed to offer you any advice on that topic.

Begin asking yourself this question on a monthly basis (I say monthly because I know it is a gradual evolution), “Have I really emerged in to my life; am I still an outsider or have I emerged as the true landlord in my life”?; if the answer is a NO, ask again, “am I ready to emerge into my life as the owner/landlord”? Hopefully, with time and more exercise on “self-belief”, the answer will change to a YES! (See the article on the power of self-belief).

Unless your goal, dream or aspiration injures, or harms the interest of a third person, every dream is worth pursing relentlessly because it is your dream and your life, and you’ve committed to living life to its fullest potential and making a grand exit when it is all said and done.J

Recently, I went to New Jersey on a quest to fulfill one of the greatest dreams of my life. I stayed at my sister’s house and she was in awe of the distance that I had gone to try to achieve this dream. I did not quite achieve that dream this time around but I understood it was one of the many bridges that I may have to cross before reaching that Dream. The part of the story pertinent to this topic was when my sister took me to the gym where she works out! Normally, I try to cramp in some exercise to my day. I run and also do my elliptical and try to burn at least 400 calories on a daily basis. For a long time, I felt pretty good about it. I feel healthier and more energetic! Then my sister tells me that she burns between 600-650 calories on a daily basis. “Whao!!!”,  I screamed!  That is too much calorie to burn for one day. It must equal torture, I thought, because I knew that it must require an additional 20-30 minutes of exercise on the elliptical.  While I was thinking about this and trying to conjure a good reason why I should stick to what I have been doing, (400 calories) I experienced what Oprah would call an AHA moment!

 My thought was precisely this – there is no other physical manifestation of me (Ogor Winnie Okoye) but this one body that I am living in. I do not see any other me.  . . ; if that is the case, why in the world should I not try committing to making this one body as healthy and as beautiful as I possibly can? burning 400 calories per day is great! I sure can make it even greater by burning 650 calories!  With that thought in my head, I stepped up on the elliptical and 650 calories later, I stepped down! Wooo. . . Hooo. . .! I did it! It was not easy, but it was done! It felt really good!

Today, let us renounce living our lives as strangers or like outsiders looking in. Let us commit to stepping it up a notch and announcing our presence in our lives, unafraid of anything or anyone!

On a closing note, a lot of us are still trapped in our cocoon unsure of when we will eventually emerge into beautiful and handsome butterflies that we are meant to be. I do not wanna be in this cocoon anymore. Do you? Some of us like the treasure that washes ashore on a beach, may never get anyone who appreciates our value and take us home finally putting us to good use. Do we want to be in the other category where we are buried in the sands of the beach forever? A lot of us go through life never announcing our presence in it:-(.

Because I am so ready to emerge into my life and announce my presence in my life, ( I really feel like saying, "Hello Life! It is nice to finally meet you!); I really need to ask this, just one more time, . . . , pardon me, . . . “Whose life is it anyway”? If it is your life, . . . then, immerse yourself completely into it; Live it to its fullest potential; Celebrate it as much as you can; Dream as crazy as you wish and please. . ., please, . . . BE NOT AFRAID to pursue those dreams as fervently as possible! Why? Because IT IS YOUR LIFE ~

XOXO,

Lovingly yours,

Ogor Winnie okoye

Happy April Fools' Day!!!

I’d say that the fools of this world must have done a thing or two right in order to deserve a special day to commemorate their foolishness. J J. . . No, I am really serious about this because how is it that there is April Fools’ Day and not Wiseman/Smart-ass Day. Only one answer comes to mind; may be, . . . just may be,  these people we term “fools” may in fact be the smarter people of the world who simply choose to play the role of “the fool” for the betterment of all.  If I were to go by the definition of a “fool” as it is in the dictionary, these people cannot remotely be deserving of a special day universally set out for them; or would they?

This was my precise thoughts today as I was driving back from work and thinking how this month of March raced past me so fast and I am staring April 1, 2011 in the face in the next couple of hours! I tried to dig up a dignifying definition of “a fool” from the dictionary but did not find any definition that was dignifying so I give up :-(.

In the context of love, relationships and life generally, I think the so called “fools” fare better than any other category of people that I know.  I remember my Dad always saying that for every successful relationship, there is in it, in fact, someone who acts/plays “the fool”.  Why is that the case I remembered asking my Dad, and his reply; “because acting the fool means overlooking a lot; being quick to forgive your partner, and most importantly, looking to the future instead of looking to past mistakes”. Most importantly,  he said that these so-called “fools in love” always seem very content and happy in their relationships. on the other hand, playing “smart” in a relationship on the other hand would entail using the past as a sure predictor of the future which translates to the fact that one major mistake on your part will effectively seal your destiny if you happen to be in a relationship with these so-called “smart people” since they will never let go of your past mistakes. We know that a fixation with past mistakes of your partner is a sure recipe to the demise of any relationship.

OMG . . .; how profound is that! I totally agree with my Daddy!

As a young adult in my pre-marital days, I was always fascinated by people in loving relationships.  I was and still am a hopeful romantic:-) I would secretly seat back and watch them to see if I can figure out the party “playing the fool” as I always thought they were really great people! It usually was difficult for me to figure out given that everyone appeared happy plus a few minutes or hours just isn’t enough timeJ!  These people purposefully played the role of “the fool” for the betterment of their relationship or may be for the love they had for their spouses and partners J.

Let’s fast-forward to the adult years when we are in actual relationships; either a marital relationship or simply dating someone we really care about.  A full commitment by both parties in the relationship to “playing the fool” will almost always guarantee the picture perfect relationship. Right?  Well . . .  the truth however as we know it is that it never quite happens like that.  L What if we really genuinely and deeply love the other person? Can we invest in the role of “playing the fool” for the sake of the love we have for the other party?

For me, “playing the fool” does not in fact make you the fool. It does make you ultimately the smarter one in the relationship because you choose to look forward and not backwards. You choose to be more forgiving, and to overlook a whole lot, and of course to complain less about everything that we see that is wrong with our partners. (Which of course can be millions of things) LOL!!!

In relationships, you’d always hear people generally say that a ship with two captains is always a doomed ship!  Personally I think that a ship can have two captains and sail perfectly fine provided these two captains agree on their ultimate destinations, (yes I say destination(s) because it is perfectly fine to sail to two totally different ports once the captains are in agreement); one of the captains choosing to play foolish for the sake of the journey (commitment), the passengers, and hopefully the captain!  (whom he or she still loves despite their obvious foolishness). J

Choosing to play the fool does not mean you become unhappy and begrudging about it. It is a conscious choice and must be embraced wholeheartedly since it comes from a higher place, a place of selflessness and love!

I do not, in any way, shape, or form advocate that a person stays in a relationship in which the other party is verbally, physically and emotionally abusive!  For me, abuse of any sort tips the scale and is a major deal-breaker unless the perpetrator is rehabilitated! What I do advocate however, is a situation where we are all willing to play “the fool” in our relationships in order to nurture that picture perfect and ultimately positive and loving relationship we all crave! When we return fire for fire in our relationships, we obviously create a fiery explosion and hope the fir-department comes soon enough to quell the damage. LOL;. . .J Playing the fool mean pouring water on a fiery situation, which almost always quenches the flames.

“Playing the fool” does not mean we are weak! It means that we are strong enough to appreciate the challenges in a relationship and smart enough to avoid destroying that which we have created and invested a lot in”! It is almost a divine role to play in any relationship!

Everyone that I know of desires a picture-perfect relationship! Few of these people are willing to assume the roles of “the fool” for the sake of their relationship! 

April Fools’ day is here guys!!!!  As we are pulling off the baddest April Fools’ jokes on our family and friends, Can we also commit to “playing more of the fool” in our relationships?  It is almost like being child-like! Children will forget that you disappointed them or hurt them a minute after the fact and will still love you nonetheless! Children rarely hold on to grudges.

Can we all commit to playing this role even if it is only for this month of April? It is therapeutic and can heal our relationships even if it appears really rocky at this time!  You are choosing something divine over something human!  Your partner will marvel at the new you! I think we can do it.

Have a Wonderful April Fools’ Day and a wonderful month as you assume your new role J wink . . .wink. . . wink. . .

Lovingly yours,

Ogor

Our Feelings are Everything;. . . What are you currently Feeling?

Happy first day of spring! Spring is such a wonderful season. Tis the season of re-birth and re-awakening of all things that appears dead or dormant! Everyone of us needs a re-awakening at some point in our lives. The thought of the first day of spring made me think about this topic!

If someone were to ask you now to describe your pervasive mood today, what would your answer be? Would you answer happy; stressed; anxious; sad; down; excited; tired; angry; grateful; joyful, ? Hopefully you are at a good place. If you happen not to be at a good “feeling mode”, today is just perfect to usher in the right feeling mode with springJ Lets do it!

Why is this so important? Because our “feeling mode” usually influences most of the experience, people and circumstance that we encounter during the course of our day. We’ve all had it at one time or another.  You just wake up from the farthest and wrongest side of your bed and watch your whole entire day go from worse to “WORST” a/k/a, “the day from hell”. Did you know that what you choose to feel at any given time charts the course of your day, your week, your month, your year, and eventually your life? As long as you let the “bad feeling mode” from your morning remain with you throughout the course of your day, you are definitely on the guest list for “the day from hell”. You and I know that it is the worst party to get an invite for!

Our thoughts are everything. It slowly evolves into our feelings. Feelings are very potent emotions. We vacillate and process millions of thoughts throughout the day at really rapid successions. Most of these thoughts end up not influencing our feelings at all. There are however some thoughts that we choose to pay attention to (because they bother us more or for whatever reason) that eventually evolves into our feelings and dictates our pervasive emotion. This is the critical point where we are called to Action!  I say “called to action” because at this point, it demands a conscious effort on our part. What thoughts amongst these millions of thoughts that we think throughout the course of our day should we allow to evolve into the “feeling mode”.  Sad, stressful, negative thoughts should not make that list. They are constantly the ones’ that try the hardest to evolve into the feeling mode. Resist, Resist, and Resist! Turn it back to a great feeling mode because you can and you need great experience and circumstances in your life!

Remember this, thoughts evolve into feelings; feelings are potent creatures that can grow wings and take flight; choose to create only productive and positive feelings that can only gather positive and productive experiences for your life.

I am always painstakingly sifting through my thoughts throughout the day and trying to make a conscious effort to stay on a great feeling mode and be happy even when the odds are stacked against me. (It is so funny because there are times that the odds are not only stacked against you, but has you pinned under it, (LOL!) and the worst thing to do is to allow it also to stomp you on the head through feeling hopeless and down).Think about this carefully,  . . . everyone of us has enormously stressful situations in our lives that bother us a lot. Most times, there is simply not a lot we can do to change it. Right? Why in the world should I stay stressed about a circumstance that i have no control over especially when I have done my part. In such situations, the best we can do is to remain optimistic and usher happy feelings into our “feeling mode”.  Fussing and stressing about it keeps us restricted to a negative place that will as usual, grow wings and take flight by ushering similarly situated events and experiences into our lives.

One of the most significant realization for me in embarking on this journey of finding peace, happiness and success is the realization that the people that are currently in our lives are usually mirror-images of what our feeling mode or frequency has been for a while. If we have people that are constantly whining, pessimistic, hyper-critical of others, negative, etc.; chances are that WE are the same way or slowly drifting to the same feeling mode and frequency. 

Let me share a somewhat funny experience that happened to me in the past week that epitomizes this topic. I wake up late and have to get 3 children and a toddler ready within half an hour; drop everyone off, and be in court that is 25 minutes away.  Pheww!!!! J Great! . . . I woke up screaming at how messed up my day is shaping up to be! I screamed at the older children for not listening to their alarm clock. (When mommy is in this mood, they know there is fire on the mountain, RUN!RUN!RUN!J.  I finally get to put everyone in the car only to realize one of the children is covered in mud because they decided to play for the 5minutes that it took me to get ready. (We had a crazy winter and the snow on the ground recently melted and exposed a substantial layer of mud that my child decided to bath himself with).

 Great!  . . .I come outside to the shock of the mud splatter and spent another 10 minutes cleaning him up while still screaming and lamenting on how hard this stupid day is shaping up for me! I finally dropped the kids off and made it to court (late) only to realize that my case was on the list for the next day (even my calendar had it right but I saw it wrong because of my “bad feeling mode”)! I left the courthouse even more upset at myself and the 25 minutes journey back to my office should have been spent turning my feeling mode around by listening to my inspirational songs CDs but NO, I am still mad at myself!

As I was driving to my office, I thought about the kids’ appointment with their dentist later on that day. I have to pick the kids up early from school for their dentist appointment at 1:15pm. I have to be in their school around 12:30pm. Still mad, I still managed to pick them up from school at 12:30pm. We were in the dentist’s office nice and early at 1:00pm. It took me at least 15 minutes to complete the usual long intakes for the children. I handed it over to the receptionist and then she said, “did you get our message”, “which message” I asked her, “we left you a message that we had to change the time to 3:15pm because the dentist had an emergency but will be back for the 3:15pm slot”. 

OOOOOOOOO;MMMMMMMMMMMMM;GGGGGGGGGGG! !! “What are you saying”, was what I heard myself mutter under my breath! Then and there, I did not need anyone to tell me that I needed to change my frequency for the day from a negative mode to a super duper positive mode! I am thinking how I wasted a perfect day! I pulled the kids from school and they are missing school and it’s too late to take them back because school will be over soon and did she say 3:15pm? I rescheduled the appointment with a huge smile on my face.  I noticed the receptionist staring at me unsure of what to make of the big smile!

Ok, I put the kids back in the car, and explained to them the events of the day and the lesson that I learnt as a result! They got it, thankfully! They reminded me of one of my favorite quotes, “you must be joyful and happy before joyful and happy things can happen to you”. Yeah, my babies needed to remind me of my quote! On our way home, we blasted our inspirational song CD which I should have blasted the minute I came out of my house this morning. I should have accepted the fact that I was late and that no one will die and that the world will still be there and be thankful for a day that I woke up healthy with my entire family and no one had any aches and pains. I should have just been grateful for a new day! I switched it around and we stayed up making home videos of everyone singing their favorite songs! I was feeling really happy and content by the time I put them to bed and hit the pillow myself! I woke up with a huge smile as i reminisced about the events of the previous day:-)

Here are my top must must dos’ to change from a bad feeling mode to a great feeling mode:


1.      When your negative thoughts want to influence your feeling mode, turn it around to a great frequency by thinking about something that you love or someone that you love! Follow it up with an action that puts you back on a positive frequency! Play a song you love or call a friend that you love!


2    Appreciate and be grateful for the blessing in your life especially when it looks like things are going really wrong. It could always be worse. Think about people in Japan, Libya, in hospitals, etc. Your pitiful and negative feeling pales in comparison to the lives of individuals in the afore-mentioned situations!


3.       Constantly check in with your feeling mode and ask yourself what you ‘re currently feeling. If you have drifted to the negative side, turn it around! You gain nothing by being there and everything by being on a positive frequency.


4.       Surround yourself with people on the happy and positive frequency. They will influence your feeling mode for the better.


5.       Give your possible best to every situation and infuse good positive thoughts to the “rest” that you have no control over. It almost always gives you a great outcome.

Now, are you ready to start off your day with a refreshing burst of “Great Feeling Mode” it keeps you and people around you happy and makes your day easier and fun! Constantly check in with your feeling mode/frequency during the course of the day! How are you doing? Take stock at the end of the day. Did you do well? Could you have done better? If your answer is a yes, then you should be getting to work NOW! Let’s all usher in a great feeling mode with Spring! 


Happy first day of spring!

Lovingly yours,

Ogor

Making sure you are “Banking Right”...

So, I am sure we are all wondering what “banking” has to do with the topics explored by this blog and yet the truth is that “banking right” has a huge impact on our lives; on a personal and on a business level. Maya Angelou put it succinctly when she said, "when we know better, we tend to do better". A lot of people that I have spoken to through the years are good people in the core of their beings and yet inadvertently are “banking wrong”. They usually recognize the natural law of action and reaction or cause and effect, yet they fail to understand the magnitude and implication of this law. Christianity and most religions believe that you can only reap that which you sow.  

For me “banking right” means that it is usually what you put into your bank account that you get out from your ATM card. It may, depending on the precise nature of this bank account come back with huge interests and dividends. This holds true in personal relationships as well as in business relationships. As long as we are breathing, we are constantly banking every second, of every minute, of every hour of our lives; through our thoughts, words and actions towards others. The most important question we should be constantly asking as these seconds and minutes tick by is whether we are banking “right” or “wrong”. Life constantly tosses at us random banking transactions and gives us the opportunity to “bank right” and yet, some of us persistently choose to “bank wrong”. The most profound thing about banking “right” or “wrong” is that the result in each case has far-reaching consequences given that we are all inter-connected. Our families and friends are affected by our banking choices and consequences of the choices for good or for bad. Now, isn’t that enough reason for us to “bank right”.

For me, the number one reason why we should be kind, loving and nice to each other is simply because it is the right thing to do. You enrich the life of another and they in turn are happy and wish you well. It does not end there; you have also just completed a “right banking transaction!” You have banked away in your character vault, a wholesome, kind, and good gesture. Listen to this, it gets even better, it adds to the strength of your overall character and also comes back to you (may be not right away) in form of people, events and circumstances that replicate that good deed!

Check out the reverse scenario, people who constantly stick it to others and simply refuse to show love or kindness to other people, end up seriously hurting others through their actions and are never quite able to find peace or tranquility in their own lives even when they experience the pathetic satisfaction of seeing another human hurt or humiliated by them. They deplete their already ravaged character and most importantly ended up with the most horrid bank transaction! Life being the ATM machine will replicate their actions and channel it right back at them through similar events, similar people and similar circumstances.  

If you understand this law of banking right, it will no longer seem like a coincidence that someone like Oprah Winfrey is blessed beyond her wildest imagination. We see her “banking right” most of the time.

So what should we do when someone sticks it to us so badly and hurts us so deeply that we are really left with no other alternative (at least, we tend to think that) but to meet them at their horrid banking level. I will share a really personal and somewhat still raw experience that I encountered recently. An individual whom I called a friend and whom I brought into my home took advantage of me in a business transaction. I might also add that people warned me against this individual and I did not listenL. I trusted this person enough to believe that this individual would be fair, open and honest given the history that we had and the wonderful experiences that we shared.  I was devastated when I got the exact opposite result from this relationship. I was taken advantage of to the extent that I am still paying the monetary price of that mistake. My first gut reaction ( and what many advised me to do) was to file a suit against this person and have this person disgraced and pay for all that I was put through. However, given that I knew about the concept of banking right and the profound benefits to it, I chose to forgive this individual and set me eyes on higher grounds. 


You know, we often times fail to appreciate and be grateful for our lives and tend to let simple glitches or hiccups we encounter distract us from what we should do on a daily basis – show gratitude for the immense blessings in our lives.  A lawsuit would be “banking wrong” as it will result in more bad blood and negativity. Even as the monetary cost of this mistake weighs down on me, I am at peace knowing that I chose the higher road and that even though I am seemingly the fool in this transaction, I banked right in this scenario. This individual had just banked away some really negative and hefty stuff and I cannot help but wonder what waits this individual at the ATM.

On a business level, the truth remains that it is the way that you treat your clients that is a huge determinant of how far your business will grow. If you take advantage of them, stiff them with unnecessarily high and hidden fees, or treat them poorly, you might experience a huge temporary success but then you quickly dwindle to nothingness. If Bernard Madoff understood this law of “banking right”, he would have thought better about his Ponzi scheme and would not be seating in jail on a 150 years sentence. If these billion dollar companies understand the law of “banking right” they would do right by their customers and not be charging incessant hidden and unnecessary fees. If politician and leaders of the world understand this law of “banking right” the economic and social map of the world will be a lot better.

We do not have to be multi-millionaires or uber rich to apply this law of “banking right”, we only need to do it at our little level of actual day to day encounters with strangers, customers, family and friends. Instead of always frowning, opt to smile a little more and meet people’s glances as you pass them with our usual quick, “Hello, Good Morning, how are you. . .”  People generally never expect a pleasant greeting. you know they are pleasantly surprised when you see how their faces light up. You have infected them with the right mood! Bravo! You have just successfully completed the right bank transaction! Instead of sticking it to the person who has constantly stuck it to us, let us opt to play the fool who ultimately banks right!

Life will constantly throw your way banking scenarios through your thoughts about others, your actions towards another, and your words to others.  Would you choose to bank it “right”?

Lovingly yours,

Ogor

The Power of Self-belief . . .

“Anything is possible for those who can Believe” I am not sure who said this quote first, but I can attest to the profound truth inherent in this quote! Undoubtedly, most of the successful people in the world have a really healthy dose of “self-belief”.  So there must be a weighty correlation between self-belief and success. Self-belief when frequently utilized evolves in to “self-confidence”. In fact, we all need both traits before we can make great strides in whatever our endeavor or calling is! Self-belief and self-confidence are both essential hallmarks of success!

Now, what is self-belief? I see self-belief as that trait that makes us believe that we are capable (on our own) of navigating to our desired destination irrespective of the odds. Self-belief demands that we focus on our strengths and not on our weaknesses. Self-belief demands that we see ourselves only at the finish line and not be pre-occupied with how to get there because we already know that we only need to start moving and that someone, we would reach the finish line!

Generally, very successful people tend to believe that they CAN do whatever it is, and guess what . . .  They usually get it done despite the odds. On the other hand, less successful people usually doubt their self-worth and believe they may not be able to do whatever it is. It gets even worse for people like this, they would in fact come up with a million reasons why they are doomed to fail; and you know what, BINGO! – they fail! 

Bottom line, and most importantly, as Henry Ford put it, “whether you believe you can do a thing or not, either way you are right”.

 Self-confidence comes from a place of faith. The power of faith permeates every religion in the world including Christianity! The Bible is replete with amazing faith-based stories and quotes.  Self-confidence demands an unequivocal belief in yourself despite your limitations. You alone can decide to focus less on those limitations and more on your strength’s. I personally refer to “self-belief” as the “deal commencer” and “self-confidence”, as the “deal finisher”. You need self-belief to start whatever it is, and must walk along with self-confidence in order to pass the finish line. Do not bother starting a new venture when you lack these twin qualities! Without self-belief, and self-confidence, the future definitely becomes a series of uphill battles. It is only when you believe in yourself that you are able to bring others to your side, no matter what your calling is in life.  There are people we call “charismatic”, who may not necessarily be the most educated, smartest or best looking people in a room and yet; everyone in the room is instantly drawn to their magnetic energy!  They exude self-confidence and have an easy breezy personality about them. Ever met people like that? I have!

A lack of self-confidence permeates every inch of your being and always has abysmal outcomes. There is usually and quite honestly a sad trademark about people who lack these twin traits. People with little or no self-confidence usually thrive on pointing out flaws in others rather than fixing their own limitations and flaws. It is very important that we are comfortable in our own skin because our entire personality is constantly projecting either a healthy dose of self-confidence or a lack of it.  If you are seeking employment or trying to sell a product or an idea to another, your body language tells the potential buyer, whether you are worth giving a shot or not! It is that simple! A lack of self-belief and confidence is practically like going into a battle already defeated!

Let’s talk a little bit about limitations. No one comes custom-made with exact specifications. Every human being is conscious of a flaw or a limitation which can only become obvious to people and circumstances if we draw attention to it by exuding a lack of self-confidence. These limitations can also become huge obstacles to our confidence level if we dwell unnecessarily on them without finding ways to improve those limitations. Picture it like this, every person that you see (including yourself) is struggling with some limitation that they wish didn’t exist or that they could change and so, life essentially becomes a battle of who is better able to feel comfortable in their skin despite those limitations. You must trust in yourself and believe that you are good enough and deserving of beautiful and wonderful things in order for beautiful and wonderful things to happen to you.

To a large extent, most adults who struggle with this lack of belief in themselves actually may have been children who lacked encouragement from the adults and care-givers in their lives at a much younger age and then unconsciously assimilates this lack of self-belief into their psyche. This should be the number one reason why we must encourage our children and praise every little effort they make because it unconsciously molds them into confident adults. (and this can be hard when they push our buttons, but so worth doing)J

Wanna try some self-confidence tips and experience its transformational effects in your business and relationships? Here are some really helpful suggestions that work:

1. Love and adore yourself even with your limitations. Everyone is struggling with theirs. When you love yourself, people sense that you are comfortable in your own skin and are instantly drawn to you. Most importantly, people cannot find you lovable and loving when you cannot even cut yourself that slack ! For a lot of people that I know, having love in their lives can actually be a huge self-belief/confidence booster!
2. Commit only to seeing the finish line and picture yourself crossing it! Just start without over- analyzing the means. The “means” usually shows up when you start from a place of self-belief and faith.
3. Work on improving your limitation if you think it is a huge obstacle to your success.
4. Always believe in positive outcomes! Do not doubt or preempt a situation because you will usually get your expected outcome. Even an iota of doubt will always jinx what would have been favorable outcome.
5. Discover or re-discover a talent or hobby that has lain dormant inside of you for years. Hone that skill and perfect it. Doing what you do well and recording successes is a huge confidence booster!
6. Practice stepping out of your comfort zone often times. Repeat that thing which you find may be helpful to your carrier or your relationship but you aren't just comfortable with it yet. Keep at it and never give up. When you experience the gratification that comes with it, it gives you more impetus to believe in yourself!
7. Surround yourself with positive people who can applaud your strength and mildly point out your weaknesses. Essentially, People who believe in you. By the same token, try to be that person who can honestly tell another that they have faith in them. It’s really powerful That way, you are building your self-confidence and that of another person.
8.  Never wait to get a majority support before embarking on something that you believe in. Start with one percent support from a place of self-belief; when success comes knocking on your door, you will get 120% support. That is plain and simple human nature!
9. Practice seeing and acknowledging only the good in others and commend them for it! It usually comes back to you either directly or indirectly. It is also a huge confidence booster. Unduly focusing on others and their negatives will keep you in a negative place and bring further negative outcomes to you resulting in the depletion of your already ravaged self-belief and self-confidence.
10. Never believe anyone who tells you that you cannot do it because you can! Rid your life of people who always tell you that you cannot and are constantly looking for faults. They are toxic to your health and also to your life because you can unconsciously believe their truth for you which is quite different from your truth which is the one that matters! You are the sole captain of your ship! If you believe them, you are doomed for failure.

On a closing note, I know of people who have embraced this attitude of self-belief and self-confidence and watched their lives transform from ordinary to extraordinary. I have also seen people who have stood behind the same fence for years afraid to step into their destiny. Would you dare to step into your destiny?

Lovingly yours,

Ogor

Re-igniting the magic . . .

So, it is a couple of days before Valentine’s Day of 2011 and there are gifts and packages en route to their ultimate destinations; the doors, offices and mail boxes of loved ones. I love it! All across the globe, spouses, partners, lovers, families and friends will reach out to one another to celebrate their love for each other.  Love is in the air!!!

 Some people exchange gifts because they are truly experiencing this really powerful and magical emotion called Love. Others may feel compelled to exchange gifts in order not to be left out of the glamour and glitz of the celebration; for others, it may be out of sense of necessity, to avoid the wrath of their partners and assuage their consciences. Whatever may be your reason for celebrating this special day; we are all in agreement that we all need and crave this potent emotion on a daily basis from our family, friends, spouses, and lovers.

Ever thought about the phases of most relationships? Most relationship starts off really great with the love meter off the chart. Everyone is happy and content. At this stage, both parties choose to see only the virtues in each other. They do see each other’s short-comings but due to the strength of their love meter, they pay little or no attention to the negatives. This whirl wind of emotion with the passage of time suddenly tapers to a somewhat luke-warm version of love wherein both parties constantly thrive on focusing mostly on each other’s shortcomings and negatives. Occasionally they might comment on each other’s virtues but this short interlude of kindness is quickly taken over by their bickering and whining. At this time, the relationship is stagnant and suffering from a lack of Love. The parties had lost their “love and feeling” and are merely existing.  There may even be a further degeneration of the relationship if nothing is done by the parties at this “luke-warm” stage.  At this point, the indifference towards each other can turn sadly to the other extreme emotion. (which I purposefully refuse to name).

The goal for every relationship is to re-ignite the magic of the early days because we all need LOVE. It does feel soooooo good loving someone and having them love you back right? There are so many fringe benefits to being in LOVE besides the extra swagger in our steps, and the smile that simply refuses to evaporate from our faces, and anyone ever get that weird thing in the pit of their stomach that also feels really good? . . .:-)  Anyway, we feel happier, content and almost euphoric and somehow want to share the love with others because our daily interactions are infused with joy, kindness and happiness.

Here is my 10 top must do “guide to re-igniting the magic” of the early days and keeping your relationship always toasty:

1. Do what you love. It not only keeps you busy, but also puts you in a great mood and ensures that you are focusing less on your partner and his short-comings and more on your passion! It makes every relationship have the desired space it needs to breathe free and easy. (You overcome the compulsive obsessive urge that makes you wanna check your partner’s voice messages, texts, or worse still, following them around!) You are busy doing what you absolutely enjoy. Your great mood would usually rub off on your partner and your family! It is very important that the pervasive mood in your home is one of joy and happiness and not anxiety and sadness. It keeps your partner yearning to come home every day.

2.  Avoid trying to change your partner and restricting his/her freedom! You cannot change an adult unless they desire to change themselves! Concentrate on changing yourself for the better. When your partner sees the “evolution of you”, believe me, they would then wanna change! Love him/her and his/her blemishes with everything you have!

3.  Consciously commit to seeing only the good in your partner and commend him for it. It not only boosts their self-confidence, but research has shown that happier people are more productive people. So bottom line, it equally translates to more income for your family; makes them happier and you know what, these honest compliments might get you some real actions! :-) Seriously!!! :-).

4. Honesty and openness are so vital to building trust in a relationship. Personally, I believe trust to be one of the key ingredients to a successful relationship.

5.  It’s perfectly okay to complain about a situation or shortcoming, but always say it right after an honest compliment and try to phrase it as a question instead of sounding accusatory.  I find that to be very effective. :-) It always gets me my desired result . . . every time!

6. Constantly remind him/her about how crazy you are about him/her through utilizing modern technology to your fullest extent!  - e-mailing, texting, twitting, fbing, video mailing. Our modern world makes it easier for people to work on their relationships even while they are doing 20 other things. I dare you to try opening one of these sweet and naughty e-mails and watch your day transform from routine to extraordinary!

7.  Learn to walk away from the past by being forgiving and avoid talking about that past. Aren't we all guilty of this! Ooouch!!! (I am sooo busted . . .). Arguments always make us wanna talk about the past. Resist, this urge!!! Let him/her have the last word. No one ever wins an argument and so, if it comes to that point that you see it is escalating, . .  . back down, . . . swallow your pride, and walk away. Just let it go! It always would go downhill if you don’t at this point. Hard to do but very rewarding when you practice and perfect this skill!

8.. Admit it when you are wrong by saying “sorry”. It has a really powerful effect on the dynamics of a relationship! The receiving spouse almost always accepts the honest apology! End every conversation with, “I love you”! It leaves both partner feeling all toasty and giddy :-)

9.. Commit to re-inventing yourself as the years go by; through self-improvement whether it is by looking healthier or by going back to school or by exercising and looking better or finding a new passion. It gives you a better self-image which rubs off too on your partners.

10.   Surround yourself with at least one honest, real, and positive friend or family member who will always keep it real with you no matter the circumstance. This ensures that you have an honest perspective on things regarding your relationship at all times.  We tend to be clouded by emotions when we are dealing with things that personally affect us and must have one real and positive person in our lives.

On a closing note, I wish you and yours a wonderful, warm, and fuzzy Valentine’s Day! I hope that you are able to re-ignite the magic of your early days in the coming weeks and months ahead!

Lovingly yours,

Ogor

You are on the clock, . . . GO!!!

It is January 31^st of a brand new month, of the year 2011; which by the way marks the beginning of yet another brand new decade in our lives! Believe it or not, the year is just about starting the race to the finish line yet again. Yep!  For me, there is still ample time to turn this year to a successful, pivotal and remarkable year for us all individually. We still have ample time and opportunity to soar beyond our wildest expectations towards our dream spouse, dream home, career, etc. It does however, require that every second of our day be used productively to the best of our abilities!

I have said a lot of time in my prior articles that one of the wisest words ever written  is what is known as Newton’s third law of motion; “To every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction”.  Ever wondered that we are blessed with the luxury of 24 hours in every single day and yet, we never seem to accomplish what we set out to do, ever! Ever wondered why two seemingly similarly situated individuals could go through life with staggeringly different levels of success. One going on to achieve huge success and the other only barely managing to get by on a daily basis?

Take a minute of your day to observe how the clock constantly ticks from seconds, to minutes, to hours. These hours turn into days, months, years, decades. It just does not stop for anyone. It therefore becomes imperative that every single minute counts and must be utilized effectively or else, another decade will roll around yet again, and we are still in the same place, probably whining about how difficult life is. We are all equally given the luxury of the 24 hour days and individually make choices of how we spend these hours.  We must undertake to utilize these minutes effectively by taking positive and affirmative steps and actions towards meeting our set goals, objectives and aspirations. Constantly ask yourself during the course of the day whether you are being productive, destructive or dormant with your actions in trying to navigate towards your set goals.

 We also have a choice to do absolutely nothing, may be seat on our butts and complain and watch others manifest their goals and dreams. For such people, going by Newton’s law; there will be a zero net effect on their current individual situations in the coming months and years. There are others who have tried the same thing (destructive or dormant actions) over and over and over again with the same net results – failure?  If you are one of these people, you must know that It is time to try something different.

On a closing note, and in the spirit of having an honest conversation, ask yourself this - When was the last time that you did something that made you really proud of yourself, and gave you this huge sense of accomplishment and probably also put you on a natural high? Really!  Be honest. It may have come from doing something that you really loved; or achieving a set goal or it may have been that you stepped out of your comfort zone and still gave a stellar performance, or something as simple as what I did over the weekend which was cleaning out the kids' play room that turned into a hot mess since after ChristmasJ. It made me feel really proud as it was a chore that I had dreaded for weeks.

If it has been a while since you did a thing like that, your goal after today must be to re-create that moment again by stepping up and out of your comfort zone. Try recreating something similar to that action you undertook that led you to that great moment! That is clearly the path that leads to greatness! It is usually a priceless moment; the kind of moment that Whitney Houston called, “A moment in time” in her song, “One moment in time”.  If it has been a while since you had that “moment” start today!

Now, step out and walk confidently towards that Dream. There is a caveat - you must put in productive seconds, minutes, and hours during the day before the Goal/Dream takes flight. You are on the clock and it is ticking. . .  

Now, GO!!!!