Thursday, December 29, 2011

Genuinely Embrace the Blessings all around you!

Blessings are all around us and very very infectious! It only looks to us to affirm that we do in fact desire to house them in our own vault (lives). When we genuinely share in the joy, happiness, success, and accomplishment of others, we are automatically signaling to God/the Universe that we truly welcome similar blessings in our own lives. 
Feeling envy, anger, resentment, jealousy and apathy in the face of anothers' blessings equally signals to God that you do not appreciate nor wish those blessings anywhere around you...; be therefore cautious and conscious of how you react to peoples' blessings.

Lovingly yours~

Tuesday, December 27, 2011

Your Destiny is all up to YOU!

The moment we begin to recognize and acknowledge that no person, thing or circumstance wields the power over our individual destinies is one of the most monumental and epic AHA moments in our lives. Nothing whatsoever and no one but US, can single-handedly chart the course of our individual destinies. When we believe that a particular person or thing must become a part of us before we begin to blossom, flourish, and soar towards our dreams, we might unfortunately wait for an eternity and are in that process consciously sabotaging ourselves, our dreams, and our destinies! Acknowledge the immense power that you wield and move towards that dream full throttle!

Lovingly yours

Thursday, December 22, 2011

Happiness Formula

The more people we infect with the happiness bug, the more the happiness fever is quadrupled in our own lives! The goal is to ensure that we infect as many people as possible with this bug:-) It is incredible the amount of happiness that becomes part of our reality when we invest selflessly in others! In the spirit of the season, let us spread the bug as generously as we can! Merry, merry Christmas!!!!

Lovingly yours,

Wednesday, December 21, 2011

Hello Billboard!!!; What are you selling?

When there is a synchronization of our most noble thoughts, words, and actions, we become powerful beyond measure, almost invincible; and success in every sphere of our lives becomes inevitable! Our singular goal as we journey on this path should be working our hardest to attain that level of harmony!

Lovingly yours,

Wednesday, December 14, 2011

How territorial are you?

We individually wield the power to allow or exclude negative people and situations from our lives through the choices that we make on a day to day basis. Whether we accept it or not, over time, we become more like the people that are part of our lives and also more like the circumstances that we consciously or unconsciously power through our choice of thoughts, words, and action. Being actively aware of ourselves and our environment would help us immensely in guarding against the invasion of those contrary and negative vibrations. Be hyper alert!!!! . . .:-)

Lovingly yours,

Tuesday, December 13, 2011

It always works out with the right mental attitude!

Quit repelling your blessings!

When you genuinely share in the joy, happiness, success, and accomplishment of others, you are automatically signaling to God/the Universe that you truly welcome similar blessings in your life. Feeling envy, anger, resentment, jealousy and apathy in the face of another's blessings equally signals to God that you do not appreciate nor wish those blessings anywhere around you...; be therefore cautious and conscious of how you react to peoples' blessings.

Lovingly yours~

Tuesday, December 6, 2011

Listening Good when life is speaking to you

Life is constantly speaking to us. Sometimes, the message that it has for us might be far from the message that we anticipate. There are times that we fail to recognize when these messages are being transmitted to us. When we do recognize and acknowledge those messages, we fail to really listen to it and the result is that we fight the flow and by resisting the flow, we lose out on an opportunity that could have ultimately recorded a resounding success for our lives.

Being in tune with the force of LOVE not only makes us recognize when life is speaking to us, but most importantly helps us listen Good! Enjoy some of the tips that I shared in this video on ways to recognize those moments and most especially, how best to listen good when life is speaking to us.

Don't forget to like the video if you enjoyed it!

Lovingly yours,


Monday, December 5, 2011

Faith versus fear!

Once in a while, everyone experiences those challenging moments that presents in the form of an extremely treacherous and rugged mountain that really a select few can even figure out how to begin  the climb. That is usually when our minds delight in playing the game of ping-pong with us. . . :. Faith versus fear! :-) Oftentimes, our natural reaction becomes an entrance into that dark and dense cage of extreme anxiety and fear! We unconsciously begin to power the adversity! That is the precise moment to remember that between Faith and fear, one obviously has the proven track record of moving mountains and we know which one it is. . .:-) We soooooo know this one!!! Make the right choice when that moment comes calling!

Lovingly your,


Tuesday, November 29, 2011

~In the spirit of Thanksgiving~

I have never for a moment doubted the crucial role passion, honesty, and love play in the outcome of virtually every human endeavor! You can never ever go wrong when you consciously infuse enthusiasm, honesty and joy into what you do. You become an instant magnet for kindred circumstances and people alike! The uninstructed would marvel at the kind of outcomes you get not realizing that you are choosing to apply time-tested eternal and universal laws, most especially the Golden Rue! We all deserve to meet and constantly interact with happy, honest, and enthusiastic versions of each other.

In my craziness, I sometimes would wish that it is entrenched in some law as a fundamental human right – Right to present only your happy, honest, and enthusiastic self to each other, in all your dealings, and at all times.  When we are passionate about what we do in business and in life, we usually see more successful outcomes than when we are constantly grouchy, whinny and negative! People see this and respond to us in kind! We all have personal trials, difficulties and challenges but I am a firm believer that in spite of our personal challenges, other people desire and (rightly) deserve to get happy, honest and passionate versions of “us” all of the time. After all, they played no role whatsoever in my personal challenges or difficulties. I train my employees to discard every personal challenges and unhealthy, negative emotions at the door of the office before stepping into the office so that the client gets the best version of them at all times. They are entitled to that!

Even though I have a website and spend so much on advertising for my firm, the most effective way for generating clients for me had been word of mouth through past clients or through people who have seen me in court and asked for my business card. They usually will say, “You seem very nice and passionate about what you do; can you help me with this matter”? Even though there had been few who attempted to negotiate the lowest legal fees possible because you are nice, it’s been overall a rewarding experience for me. On a personal level, I would travel to eternity with my hair dresser, not just because she does a really good job with my hair, but mostly because she is usually upbeat, happy, and passionate about her work! That kind of energy makes me go back to her even after being introduced to another hair dresser who charged almost half of what she charges me.

So last week, on the eve of Thanksgiving as I was picking up my Baby, Destiny, from the day care center where she is enrolled, I had stopped by to say a big thank you to her teacher Ms. Nicki. I have always told her I loved her energy and passion, and dedication but when my two year old started missing her Ms. Nicki at home, I just knew that I had to tell her how thankful I am that she is a part of our lives!  For every mom or dad out here who know how difficult it is to drop off that baby and see him or her cry and know you would still leave them and go to work, having a Ms. Nicki in your life will not only eliminate that heart break but also re-affirm your belief in the existence of angels. (After all, aren’t we meant to be each other’s angels?).

So talking about Ms. Nicki, Ms. Nicki is not your typical teacher at all. Her passion and love for what she does permeates every single cell in her body and oozes outwards, literally infecting everybody in her path. She infected me too! My two year old loves her Ms. Nicki so much that when she wakes in the morning, she is excited and will keep saying, “I am going to see my Ms. Nicki”. During the weekend, it is always, “I love my Ms. Nicki”. It is so easy to see how she would be so smitten with her Ms. Nicki whom I also simply adore! It does not matter what Ms. Nicki is going through, whenever I am picking up my child, you’d see her smiling from ear to ear amidst her tired eyes. I just love her selflessness, passion and the pure love she brings with her every day to her job.  So, on the eve of thanksgiving, I just had to tell her how thankful we are that she is a part of our lives through words that I wrote in a thank you card. I also included a little gift for her. She was so emotional when I gave it to her. (You must know by now that I was equally emotional)!

Anyway, this post is especially dedicated to all the Ms. Nickis’ out there who bring joy, passion, honesty, and undiluted love into their various life endeavors. They all have personal challenges and difficulties but consciously chose to discard those in order to give their personal best to others all of the time! That for me, is the hallmark of treating people exactly the way you’d want to be treated! It is priceless!!!

Nothing engenders success both on a business or personal level than this singular act of infusing love and passion to your work and your life!

I am thankful for all of you who read the blog and send your great insights and comments:-) Christmas is coming!!! Happy Holidays to you!

Lovingly yours


Thursday, October 13, 2011

Receiving our Blessings. . .Are you a closed or open vessel?

Most times, we are our own biggest enemies and we really have to learn how to get out of our own way. Yes! There are critical moments in the course of our day when we are presented with a Blessing. We simply fail to recognize that "test time" is here! We unconsciously repel and say NO to that blessing simply because it does not directly benefit us. We must be constantly on the alert and understand that blessing must not directly benefit us and our immediate reaction to a blessing that comes to others will determine whether that blessing will feel comfortable enough to come to house itself in our vault. Humanity is so interconnected that every blessing to another directly benefits us whether we are able to see it or not!

Make the right choice when "test time" comes. . . :-) You would get amazing result!

Lovingly yours,

Ogor Winnie Okoye

Thursday, October 6, 2011

Children are simply IN---CRE----DI---BLE!!! Gotta LOVE' em!

To all the women (and men)out there who are raising children, I am sending your way, a heartfelt shout out! I think we are all doing a job that I believe to be one of the most important, tremendous and sometimes daunting jobs in the world! I promised myself that I must find the humor or what I always call my “happy” in every crazy situation that I am facing because there is always a blessing in every crazy or stormy circumstance. We need only the willingness to persist and hold on, just a little longer.

Once upon a time, I was that mom that wanted to do it all, while having the spickiest house in the world; but alas, children have taught me that my role is not to be perfect but to be the best that I can possibly be especially when it comes to the spicky factor around my home. Do you get my drift? I know that there are moms very much like me who have tried every conceivable trick known to man to get their children to be the best they possibly can be, especially in terms of their home chores and school work. I have done rewards, “real” hysterical crying, “fake” hysterical crying. I have felt real heart break in which I actually did feel real physical pain; faked heart break with amazing results too because the children did fall for it and the minute they leave my presence, I fall to the floor and melt in a feat of real laughter. I have done angry screams, the kind that you feel your lung straining under the pressure, taken away their most prized possession, etc. . .:-) Any moms (or dads) out here ever tried any of these fun antics?. . .Of course, we all have. . .:-) Don’t even lie. . . J

I often travel down memory lane to the days where it was my husband and I and a house that is every inch the idyllic spick and span house. Every piece of furniture as well as every single item in the house looked the exact same way it did when it arrived from the store. Even though friends often told me at the time that these  obsessive compulsive orderliness would drastically change when the babies start arriving. You should hear me say, “NO. . .NO”, I am allergic to disorderliness of any kind” “Not in this house”.  Those years seem so far away. I remember how diligent I use to be in picking up and returning items to their proper locations while wiping and cleaning every single spill when it was only baby no. 1, but then comes no. two,  no. three and four and I have to confess that it seemed they finally cured my allergy for disorderliness. I pick what I can, when I can; and make them pick the rest.

Last week, I was suffering a bout of the flu and stayed home. I kept walking past their playroom and for some strange reason; it looked as if the couch was calling out to me. My husband bought this beautiful, expensive, brown leather couch a couple of years ago and one day, I discovered a little hole (size of my hand) under the couch, (thanks to my lovely children) and we decided that the couch should go inside their playroom as a visitor might lose their car keys and lift up the cushion in search of the keys and it will not be such a good sight to behold! That was precisely how the couch became theirs, the childrens’. 

I passed their play room and decided to pick up the toys and sweep out the room; something good that will help me feel better from the congestion and fever.  After I was done sweeping and picking up the toys, I turned to leave the room and it looked like this couch was calling me (at least that was what it felt like).  I went back into the room and sat on the couch. I remembered that hole from months before and saw myself  lifting the cushion, ok,. . . , that small hole from a couple of months ago, is officially a giant man hole (seriously!) I noticed that it had some snack wrappers, sticking out of it and I put my hands inside the hole to get what I thought was a couple of snack wrapperss out of the hole and my hand sunk even deeper into what looked like a landmine of candy and snack wrappers. I was livid with anger! I got a trash bag and started stuffing it up until I filled it up with the wrappers.  I am thinking that almost every snack that I had bought in my house had their wrappers at this final resting place, inside this couch. Oh my God! My once lovely, lovely brown leather couch that housed so many precious memories (for my Bubu and I. . .:-) is now a landfill of snack debris and wrappers! The more snack wrappers I got out, the higher my anger meter rose! (Remember that I was already feeling awful from the flu) I am thinking that we will all be dead by the time they get back from school!  I know that I make them clean out this room almost on a daily basis and they must know about the landfill because they filled it up themselves!

Amidst all of this anger, I get a text from my cell phone company reminding me that the bill for the kids’ cell phone is due! They have lost their cell phone for at least three months and I have made them look everywhere in the house for that phone and they just have never been able to find it! For some weird reason, I just never disconnected their phone because I knew that their cell phone was somewhere in the house!  I grudgingly made the stupid payment for a non-existent phone and got back to work; a work that was taking me almost one hour – One whole hour to clean out “my couch”, their “snack wrapper land fill”! I finally got the last of the snack wrappers and decided that I needed to elevate the couch in order to make all of the snack debris go on one side of the couch so I could suck it all out with a vacuum cleaner. When I elevated the couch, I heard lots of items settling exactly where I wanted them to go and I stuck my hand inside once again, and here is a list of the items that I discovered, in the exact order of discovery  ;-)

Two remote controls (one for my daughter’s room and the other from their play room)  – missing for  months. For the first time since the cleaning started, I broke into a BIG smile! “This is so unbelievable”, I thought, “The kids would be very happy to finally have their remote controls back”. Next, I discovered 27 pencils, 11 pens, 2 erasers and 3 sharpeners. You must guess that I was officially at a really healthy and happy frequency, the frequency that had eluded me all morning; (I am thinking that I would not spend any dime on pencils and pens for the rest of the school yearJ. Next, you are not gonna believe this, . . .I stuck my right hand in, one more time, and out came my hand with “their cell phone”! Yep!,. . .their cell phone had been in that couch all these monthsJ. I just started jumping up and down and screaming in joy! I was ecstatic! Finally, the discovery that made me roll on the floor and laugh like I had never done in a really long time! Listen to this, “two tiny human teeth”. . .:-) Did the tooth fairy decide that my couch was a good place to keep those?  I remember my last son, Kenny and my older daughter looking for their lost tooth months ago, and wondering if anyone had seen them. .(lol!)

A day that started really crappy, ended really great!  That couch kept calling for help and I answered that call! LOL! When the kids came back from school, they were beside themselves with joy! They have their cell phone as well as their remote control back and even their teeth (LOL!!). Anyway, after speaking to them about the couch, they promised that they would not stuff it up again with the snack wraps and I have been checking since last week and no wraps yet. . . I think children are incredible! They test us every day; but most importantly, they teach us resilience and strength and add a huge “happy” into our lives!  Personally, my kids have taught me that there is no such thing as the “perfect mom” and that I only needed to be the best possible mom that I can be to them!

In the meantime, I am not giving up on my various antics as they have worked so far. . .:-) I would love to hear about new antics that have worked for you with your kidsJ. Hope everyone is enjoying this lovely new month of October! ~xoxo~

Lovingly yours,

Ogor Winnie Okoye

Thursday, September 1, 2011

Its September! Are you Manifesting your Best Ever Results yet!

It is September 1, 2011 (yeeeeaaahhhh. . . .:-), Happy New Month guys!!!! I must confess that I am both excited and nervous at the same time! 2011 is determined to race to the finish line as fast as it can, isn't it? September, however, is a stellar month! This month marks for me, the beginning of taking stock of my whole year’s set goals and aspirations and also ushers in the MBER months! Months for Manifesting Your Best Ever Results; based on the goals and aspirations I set at the beginning of the year.

It’s time to get honest with ourselves. . . Can we confidently say that we have begun to Manifest our Best Ever Results as of today, September 1, 2011? Have we reached our set goals/aspirations that we were so enthusiastically committed to at the beginning of the year? Are we still very far from the manifestation phase of those goals or are we closer than ever to manifesting our best ever results? Did you embark on a weight loss goal at the beginning of the year? How are you doing with that..:-)? Did you promise to work on being a more loving, kinder and understanding version of yourself at the beginning of the year? How did you do? Did you promise to step up in your relationship and become better at understanding your partner? How did you do? Are you able to check off some goals on your list? Are you able to check of NO goals on your list?  Honesty guys, please. . . :-)

Do you recall the enthusiastic spirit with which you welcomed the year 2011 and the goals  or resolutions that you promised yourself you would achieve before the end of the year. If you have not started manifesting those either because you still have not taken that Critical First Step (CFS); or because you did take the CFS but are yet to take those series of Important Next Steps (INS) towards manifesting those goals; today is the day to start! Recreate that enthusiastic spirit and make it happen! It is your dreams; your goals, your aspirations and so you know what the critical first steps and important next steps entail!  Do not give up! We still have about 120 days and approximately, about 2,880 hours to Manifest those Best Ever Results that we desire! Start NOW!

If you happen to be welcoming this brand new month of Manifesting your Best Ever Results with one or two goals that you already manifested; kudos to a job well done because it does take a lot of commitment, hard work, dedication and resilience to be able to Manifest those results! You deserve to give yourself a special treat for that. . .:-) If you are like me with some goals that you were able to check off and some goals that still have a few loose strings to tie before they manifest, then follow these quick tips:
  1. Enthusiastically follow through with that Critical First Step (CFS) NOW; not tomorrow! If you have already started but need some other important steps in order to manifest those goals, Follow through with those Important Next Steps (INS) NOW, as in TODAY, not tomorrow.
  2. Never worry that you do not have everything it takes to manifest those goals. We are all endowed with just enough to start anything whatsoever! Start with what you have from a place of FAITH; the missing parts of the puzzle will appear one link at a time. Its manifestation is exclusively tied 100% to your FAITH;
  3. Try to give it 100% any time that you work at it! Not only are you building a strong and dogged character, but hard work would always pay given that action and reaction usually tend to be equal and opposite – Newton’s 2nd law of motion; and finally,
  4. Never believe people who tell you that it cannot be done because their reality and truth is theirs and not yours, it is only their opinion; your own reality and your own truth is what counts! It is entirely up to you! What you believe becomes your truth and your reality and will manifest in your life! You call the shots!. In the alternative, AVOID, AVOID, and AVOID such people if you can. . .:-)

I wish you a most stellar month of September! – the beginning of the months for taking stock and Manifesting your Best Ever Results! Let us work together on checking off a few more items on our to do list. J

Lovingly yours,


Tuesday, July 19, 2011

Meet my two new BEST Friends!

Ok, . . . , it’s been a while since I wrote a new article on the blog even though I still throw out some inspirants here and there. . .:-) How is everyone doing? I really have missed you . . J,  . . .yes I have, even though I have kept in touch with some of you on FB! I have been swamped with a lot of things especially in the past weeks; kids are on vacation and so I have to absolutely make out time for them to have as much fun as possible; and then there is work, and then, I am painstakingly working on the book, and finally, I am like you, busy playing the game of life.J. Sometimes that game gets all crazy and then it feels really crazy, doesn’t it? It does for me sometimes:-)

So I want to keep this really short and straight to the point. Have you ever felt like things are really way off course, probably someone whom you’ve trusted had betrayed you; or that life is coming at you so darn fast that you seem to be losing control? As long as you are still breathing and hopefully still have your good health, it might make sense for you to also make friends with my two best friends -  Ms. SIU, and Ms. KIM. These two ladies are exceptional in every way because they keep it real with me and also put a positive and optimistic spin to almost everything in my life! They are deeply spiritual too and are extremely passionate, persistent, intrepid, and beautiful. You absolutely need both ladies in your life at all times especially when things go wrong for you.  As a matter of fact, I have made it a point to go everywhere that I go, arm in arm with both ladies! It’s almost like a perpetual threesomeJ. Trust me, your partner or spouse will never object to it! I know they will in fact secretly encourage you to be friends with them as well. (You will understand why later on. . .).

Because I know that you are dying to be properly introduced to my two best friends, I’ll just go ahead with the formal introduction.  . . Wait!!. . . I will like to also tell you that I found out about KIM from a dear friend of mine on fb, Gina Candy Umunna.  Even though I have hear about Ms. Kim, I never realized the importance of the role she plays in the lives of anyone who cares to befriend her.  For instance, I have this wonderful idea stuck in my head for days and each day, I think about this idea and next day, I think more about this idea and savor the idea of  transforming this idea to reality! How wonderful and revolutionary that will be!!! Ms. KIM knowing that I am merely thinking and not doing anything else about executing my idea turns to me and says, “Ogor, enough already!!, you must  KIM it! “Keep It Moving” KIM it by taking the initial first step towards executing this really great idea. She does not want me to think any further and would just rather have me act on it. An unexecuted great idea is a colossal waste of time and resources. In fact, like my Bubu will say, “if you let a dream die, you have indeed lost a part of who you are”.  . . Ms. Kim is right yet again!  Do you see why I love my Ms. Kim. She keeps it real with me and constantly reminds me that “talk is cheap”. Just KIM it; Do It Ogor!!!!! KIM it my love!!!

As for Ms. SIU, the other day, I wanted to complain and vent about a seemingly difficult situation that I was navigating and Ms. Siu did not waste time in telling me, (now, imagine a tiny voice generously laced with sarcasm)  “. . .reaaally Ogor, you call that a problem?”  “That is not a problem. . ."SIU it my dear” “Suck it Up”! Until you’ve had to lose your good health or wake up under a bridge or abandoned car/building, or be unsure of your next meal, or suffered through a war or natural disaster, you have absolutely no problems and should be able to SIU any time you feel like complaining about nothing! I listened carefully to Ms. Siu and said a big THANK YOU! She is so right . . .:-)

I love these two absolutely gorgeous ladies to death! Something tells me that you would want them as your BFFs too. . . You know the best part, they are readily available for all of us at all times, if only we want them for BFFs too! J ~xoxo~

Have a fantastic week dearest friends!

Lovingly yours,

Thursday, June 16, 2011

Are you Ready for the ultimate Detox program?

We all have, at one point or another in our lives tried either to lose weight or to detoxify our bodies for whatever reason (mostly weight loss or health related reasons) and we are often compelled to do these because we know that it is the best things for our bodies at that point and essentially the gateway to great health. Right? As we embark on these detox or weight loss programs, we are sometimes met with successes but for some weird reason, most people fail at their weight loss or detox programs. Little do they know that the first real step towards any kind of success not only in weight loss but in virtually every aspect of our lives is to first embark on a mental detoxification. A mental detox rids virtually every obstacle that threatens our success in almost every endeavor. What do I mean by this? A mind that is plagued with toxins like fear, doubt, jealousy, envy, spite, anger, revenge, etc . is in no shape to embark on any real positive and successful endeavor. If success is met at all, it is often times quite fleeting!

When you start the exercise on mental detoxification, you almost take an unspoken oath to become conscious and more self- aware.  You become conscious of the weaknesses that you have. It is only when you acknowledge those weaknesses that presents itself in the form toxins that inhabit our minds and eat deep into our subconscious minds that we are better able to start the exercise in exterminating these toxins from our system – mental detoxification.

A mind that is free of toxic emotions is never easily distracted as it is usually very focused on an ultimate prize. A mind that is free of toxins never has time to indulge in idle talks. A mind that is free of toxins usually has the “I can” attitude because he understands that fear is only a figment of our mind that grows only if it is nurtured. A mind that is free of toxins will never suffer heart burns and sleepless nights when he sees others succeed but would rather try to find out from them, what they did to get  to where they are at. A mind that is free of toxins will actively seek out similar minds who would enrich his life and literally flee from toxic people. A mind that is free of toxins understands that failure is a disguised version of success and represents one or more of a series of bridges that leads one to their ultimate destination.

For me personally, I think a mental detoxification is a “must” for every human being who truly desires success and happiness. It almost certainly guarantees peace, happiness, a sense of freedom, good health, confidence and success. It does however demand a lot of effort on our part in order to stay the course given that human nature can certainly challenge your exercise. Friends might prove false, failures would rear its ugly head up occasionally, money might prove difficult to come by initially or you might be that lone voice challenging a toxic status quo entrenched in a system and it is proving unbearable for you! 

Listen,.  .  .; it is far better to stay the course and continue your mental detoxification in other to arrive at that great place (peace of mind, success, happiness) than to succumb to the pressure and return to the toxic mental state that almost always guarantees failure and a gloomy and miserable existence.  I know that most of us ultimately desire to be happy!
Can we all try to start the mental detox program now, . . .; like today. . .? I would love us to trade our stories of success . . .:-) I already have so much to tell. . .:-) Would you start with me? :-) I bet you will!!! NO,. . ;(i'll phrase it better) I know you will :-)

Lovingly yours,


Wednesday, May 25, 2011

It really is an easy choice; I choose Happy ~

So, I was having a conversation with my daddy over the topic of prayers generally and the very act of praying specifically! We tend to want and want and constantly ask and ask, and ask. My dad had mentioned that he finally understood that everything that he “needed” out of life had already been given to him and that as a consequence of this, his prayers must no longer be that of asking of God to do this. . . and that .. . ; but one of absolute gratitude for that which he had already done! Hmmmm. . .; whao!!! He insisted that we just needed to slightly open our eyes in order to take the blessings in.

I will come back to this conversation later on.  I look around me with my ignorant and mundane eyes and see that I have a lot of things that needed to be done and a lot of apparent problems that needed to be solved and something else, my “to do” list happens to be as long as the Mississippi river. :-)

I then decide to take a second look and dig deeper into my whole life (in law, we call this the totality of the circumstance test):-). In order to do a really thorough analysis, you’d really need to step out of your body and look in as an outsider would.  In that moment,  I saw a healthy, well -adjusted mother of four healthy children, with a  husband to die for (I call him my very own “yori-yori”, meaning heart beat), doing a job that I love, making a difference in the lives of my clients, waking up every morning to every bone in my body and my children’s bodies still intact and rising up with me, someone who has never suffered or lived through any of the natural disaster that I see happen to people just like me on what is fast becoming a daily basis.   I pause . . . ; a really long pause and then stepped out of that outsider’s body, and a tirade of outburst like this one, “ Ogor, . . . , how dare you not be anything but extremely happy and grateful for the gifts and blessings in your life”!!!!

You know . . . ;everything in life is about perception. How you perceive something determines the level of control and power it will have over you! Our perception of a thing makes it a problem or just another curve in the road of life! Two people might be on the verge of losing their jobs or their homes and to one, even though he knows that it as a difficult situation, he chooses instead to see it  is just another curve on the road of life. He chooses instead to embrace and focus on the other gifts and blessings in his life – gift of good health, good friends who could help him out, good families who will be there for him regardless. Etc. Not only would the situation get to resolve itself, life will and often times present a way out of the treacherous situation with that kind of healthy mental attitude. Why? Because he did not let the adverse situation eat him up and destroy the only thing that he must hold on to at all cost – Hope! Because he purposefully chose to channel that adversity to a frequency of gratitude, life rises up to his frequency and presents more grateful scenarios to him!

 To another, the loss of a job or a home will mean the end of the world and the complete loss of hope. The inordinate negative energy and loss of hope channeled to this unfortunate occurrence often times begins to result in diminishing health. The more worry and hopelessness that is channeled to these events, the more the event gathers momentum and  is powered into a cycle of more negative occurrences!  Ever heard about the cliché, “when it rains, it pours”? That is exactly what happens to us when we fail to take a real perspective of events and circumstances in our lives.

Life can and does get really difficult and tough sometimes.  If it doesn't kill you, then it is meant to teach you a thing or two, and might very well be a blessing in disguise. Knowing what I know now, I will never let a seemingly tough situation weigh me down; I would rather cease that opportunity to be grateful for the blessings that have been bestowed on me! The reason it is always good to have in depth conversations with people( in this case, daddy dearest) :-)

As always, I finally understood where my daddy was headed with his theory that prayers must be all gratitude and No Seeking favors because we have already been given that which we NEED! (Keyword being “need”).

On a closing note, I ask you – “When life throws a curve at you, would you choose hopelessness and worry or would you dare look at your life and choose HAPPY because of the numerous gifts that you have already been given? I think we have a really easy choice here!

 Let’s commit to making it a habit to offer mostly prayers of gratitude and genuinely SMILE at LIFE irrespective of what our current circumstances are (because there are really a lot to smile and be grateful for) ; LIFE will in turn SMILE back at us:-)

Lovingly yours,

Wednesday, May 4, 2011

LOVE and infidelity . . .

Hope everyone is having a really great “merry month of May”! I love this month for a lot of reasons. First and foremost, a reason that might smack of a teeny bit of selfishness J . . .,but,  I am pretty sure that  I can be pardoned .  I was born in this fantastic month of May. Secondly, May is such a beautiful and glorious spring month.  I was in my car going to work this morning and was in awe of the beauty around me; every flower and every tree that I saw was in its full bloom! Such breath-taking scenery that just reminds you that everything about nature is perfection! Simple perfection! . . .; thanks to this glorious month! 

So guys, this topic that I wanted to explore is one that just has hit home for a lot of people. It’s everywhere around us. Society sort of gives it some tacit acceptance. Every time you turn on the television or on the radio, you hear spouses separating because of it! Others stand silently behind a spouse that strays hopelessly grappling for a good reason to stay on in in such relationships! We all jump in, either to condemn or support the parties involved! The fact that this might be the case still cannot and does not make infidelity right.  I have been asked my opinion on whether one can still love and stay with their spouses or significant others even after they stray. Can a relationship really survive and successfully re-build after this ultimate breach of trust.

In a situation when you love your partner or spouse with every inch of your being and then you realize that she or he had been carrying on with a clandestine affair. It is devastating and gut-wrenching! It is even more so, when the other man or woman involved looks a lot better than you do or is on a higher socio-economic ladder than you are. It is the ultimate betrayal especially when the relationship is one that is founded on a marital union which really is sacred. Marriage is a solemn and sacrosanct union. The party in a marriage indulging in infidelity is really committing an atrocity not only against this union and the innocent spouse, but most importantly against himself given the grave potential consequences.

I have to really define Love as best as I can, given that we rightly assume that love precedes every relationship and hopefully is the foundation of every relationship both marital and non-marital. Without being overtly religious with this discussion, I still strongly believe that the best definition of Love that I have yet to see is biblically based. “God is Love” – 1 John 4.8; “love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude. It is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil, but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails”. 1 Corinthian 13:4. Isn’t that just beautiful? I think it is absolutely flawless!!!

The above quotes are the most authoritative, profound and powerful definitions of Love ever written. 
I do not believe that Love is a visceral reaction or that it is entirely feeling-based.  Last week, I encountered a gentleman who was also an attorney and we started talking about this topic. He stated to me what his perception of Love was. I am compelled to share this with you. J.  He said, “Love is really not a feeling, rather, it is an investment”.  I thought it was really poignant. I thought it was true. I continued thinking about his definition and how Love can really be a multi-faceted investment.  I surmised that Love must be an investment of emotions, commitment, time, effort, etc.  mmmmmmmmh . . . Do you agree?

So, If we truly understand the meaning of love, would we really cheat on our spouses and significant others that we love? I honestly would think NOT! Infidelity is a selfish act! It epitomizes the absence of God or whatever label you choose to give your creator, or that higher being most of us believe exists.

Infidelity is the ultimate breach of trust! It rocks the very foundation on which a marriage rests! It devastates the innocent party and destroys years of “selfless investments” in a twinkle of an eye!

People can and do make mistakes in their lives. We should and must forgive someone that we love when they make mistakes like these not only for the sake of the love that we have for the person, but for the sake of ourselves in order to move on, and create space in our lives for good to come in.

There really are consequences for every good deed or bad deed that we indulge in even when no one is looking. We are endowed with the natural ability to choose Good over Evil. When we decide to “bank wrong”, hefty grime awaits us at the ATM! It is that simple! It comes back to us in form of events that mirror the same good or bad deeds only that it is given back to us with interests and dividends!  Having this in mind, when we do cheat on someone that we profess to love, it not only causes toxicity to our relationship, but the negative nature of the deed itself will ultimately attract to the perpetrators, similar negative events and situation.  These transgressors often wonder why things are going wrong in their lives and are quick to forget that when they purposefully hurt another that they owe the duty of fidelity and protection, they are simply courting disaster. It is sure to happen! It is only a matter of time.

Personally, the sad piece for me is the fact that the innocent party in the whole mess might be affected by the consequences that the perpetrator is suffering -The law of unintended consequences. Innocent children are caught in the fire! Some innocent parties end up suffering intense psychological, physical, and emotional devastation because thing that affects a loved one tends to affect the people in their lives.

If you feel that you no longer wish to stay faithful to your spouse or significant other, take the last honorable step left; take the official walk away from your relationship or marriage into the arms of the meddlesome interloper who is worth giving up that which you have so painstakingly invested in; at least, you are greatly minimizing the grime that which awaits you at the ATM. Then, it is no longer an act of infidelity! You are free to do it! If it would not feel good when it is done to you, why then would you repeatedly do it to someone you profess to love.

As for the innocent parties in relationships who still believe in the ideals of fidelity, marriage and true love, never be deterred at all! You never go wrong when you are in the Right! Continue living your life and giving your ALL to the person or persons that you love. Don’t let a transgressor push you to seek revenge by indulging in the same atrocious act!  I advocate never keeping track of how much you’ve sacrificed for a relationship provided that it is with someone that you love. Relationships are very complex and challenging! It demands a lot of investment! Who says that it is meant to be easy? If it was meant to be easy, then it is not something that is good and true. Be very afraid of a relationship that is seamless! Great relationship demands parties or at least one party that is willing to go one hundred percent! Once you have done your part, leave the rest up to your creator.

In conclusion, I think that infidelity (notice I didn’t say infidelities) can happen in a loving relationship.  People can make one-time mistakes and if they express their remorse, must be given the benefit of the doubt and be forgiven. In forgiving, I do not in any way wish to diminish the selfishness and inherent evil in infidelity. However, forgiveness is the only place to go because it releases the innocent party and opens up for them, more “windows of good” in their lives. It comes from a higher place. Forgiveness equals Love.  

For the habitual transgressor,  . . ., you know, there is no such thing as repeatedly cheating on someone that you love. Repeated infidelity is simply antithetical to the nature of Love. Repeated infidelity and Love are mutually exclusive! Perhaps a further realization that the very negative nature of infidelity will harm them not just literally, but through events and circumstances that will inflict pain on them similar to the pain that the innocent spouse experienced (only that it will be a lot worse) might just be sufficient deterrent.  

As for the meddlesome interloper who has consciously injected himself/herself in a relationship that he/she is aware is alive and thriving especially the sacred marital relationship!  It is coming back at you!  mmm. . .mmm. . .mmm; You end of reaping with huge dividends and interests, that which you give to another.

Irrespective of the side of the table that you are on, you owe it to yourself to treat the other party in your relationship as kind and as loving as possible. It is the right thing to do! It ensures and almost guarantees a happy life for both parties in a relationship.  A happy life after all, is really the whole essence of living isn’t it? I think so J

I wish you a fantastic merry month of May!

Lovingly yours,


Wednesday, April 20, 2011

Whose life is it anyway?

Unfortunately, most of us go through life exactly the same way a treasured object whose owner loses to the waters of the ocean while aboard a cruise ship would behave L .Notice the object gets more beat up the further it travels through the currents of the ocean because it is pummeled by the waves and the elements as it floats aimlessly and endlessly. Finally, it may drift ashore onto a beach. Sometimes someone who happens to be on the beach recognizes the treasure in the object, picks it up appreciating its value and then decides to take it home and put it into good use. Other times, this treasured object might not be so lucky and it simply gets buried in the sands of the beach forever.

A lot of us still believe that life is happening to us when in fact; we are active participants in charting the courses of our lives through our current actions, thoughts, and words. We are creating either consciously or unconsciously every single circumstance, experience, events and even people that come into our lives.

Our biggest problems include the following, a) Having the courage to step into our lives; b) Having the courage to take full ownership of our lives; and c) Having the courage to live life as fearlessly as we possibly can without worrying about what other people will think of our actions.

 The sad truth is that often times, we tend to play the role of outsiders in our own lives who are merely on the outside, looking in! An outsider is usually unable to do much in a situation that he does not own or control. Fear usually holds us back and makes us slaves to other people’s toxic emotions, feelings, and opinions. Unless we are still minors who continue to be answerable to parents or guardians and other care-givers in their lives, nothing should stop us as adults from asserting ourselves in our own lives and being fully present in it!  

For me, truly living our lives to its fullest potential, means taking full ownership of it and resisting that urge that makes us constantly to seek approval and validation from everything outside of us because we have so much power in us to make anything happen!

A life that is lived through the mirror of another’s experience, feelings and opinion, is a tainted life. Until we assume full ownership of our life by living it on our own terms, we really have not started living; we are merely simply, existing.

I personally believe that a lot of inventions, dreams, and aspirations that potentially could have re-written the course of human history are taken to graves by its owners on a daily basis simply because their owners never quite emerged into their own lives!

People sometimes seek affirmations and approval from others and end up abandoning a dream that could have been worth so much! Sometimes, the person you are seeking affirmation from is not on the same frequency as you to appreciate the genius behind that dream or aspiration; or, he does not appreciate the meaning and magnitude of that dream to you; or, he may be simply misguided by other negative emotions like jealousy or envy; or even, they simply lack the requisite expertise needed to offer you any advice on that topic.

Begin asking yourself this question on a monthly basis (I say monthly because I know it is a gradual evolution), “Have I really emerged in to my life; am I still an outsider or have I emerged as the true landlord in my life”?; if the answer is a NO, ask again, “am I ready to emerge into my life as the owner/landlord”? Hopefully, with time and more exercise on “self-belief”, the answer will change to a YES! (See the article on the power of self-belief).

Unless your goal, dream or aspiration injures, or harms the interest of a third person, every dream is worth pursing relentlessly because it is your dream and your life, and you’ve committed to living life to its fullest potential and making a grand exit when it is all said and done.J

Recently, I went to New Jersey on a quest to fulfill one of the greatest dreams of my life. I stayed at my sister’s house and she was in awe of the distance that I had gone to try to achieve this dream. I did not quite achieve that dream this time around but I understood it was one of the many bridges that I may have to cross before reaching that Dream. The part of the story pertinent to this topic was when my sister took me to the gym where she works out! Normally, I try to cramp in some exercise to my day. I run and also do my elliptical and try to burn at least 400 calories on a daily basis. For a long time, I felt pretty good about it. I feel healthier and more energetic! Then my sister tells me that she burns between 600-650 calories on a daily basis. “Whao!!!”,  I screamed!  That is too much calorie to burn for one day. It must equal torture, I thought, because I knew that it must require an additional 20-30 minutes of exercise on the elliptical.  While I was thinking about this and trying to conjure a good reason why I should stick to what I have been doing, (400 calories) I experienced what Oprah would call an AHA moment!

 My thought was precisely this – there is no other physical manifestation of me (Ogor Winnie Okoye) but this one body that I am living in. I do not see any other me.  . . ; if that is the case, why in the world should I not try committing to making this one body as healthy and as beautiful as I possibly can? burning 400 calories per day is great! I sure can make it even greater by burning 650 calories!  With that thought in my head, I stepped up on the elliptical and 650 calories later, I stepped down! Wooo. . . Hooo. . .! I did it! It was not easy, but it was done! It felt really good!

Today, let us renounce living our lives as strangers or like outsiders looking in. Let us commit to stepping it up a notch and announcing our presence in our lives, unafraid of anything or anyone!

On a closing note, a lot of us are still trapped in our cocoon unsure of when we will eventually emerge into beautiful and handsome butterflies that we are meant to be. I do not wanna be in this cocoon anymore. Do you? Some of us like the treasure that washes ashore on a beach, may never get anyone who appreciates our value and take us home finally putting us to good use. Do we want to be in the other category where we are buried in the sands of the beach forever? A lot of us go through life never announcing our presence in it:-(.

Because I am so ready to emerge into my life and announce my presence in my life, ( I really feel like saying, "Hello Life! It is nice to finally meet you!); I really need to ask this, just one more time, . . . , pardon me, . . . “Whose life is it anyway”? If it is your life, . . . then, immerse yourself completely into it; Live it to its fullest potential; Celebrate it as much as you can; Dream as crazy as you wish and please. . ., please, . . . BE NOT AFRAID to pursue those dreams as fervently as possible! Why? Because IT IS YOUR LIFE ~

Lovingly yours,

Ogor Winnie okoye

Thursday, March 31, 2011

Happy April Fools' Day!!!

I’d say that the fools of this world must have done a thing or two right in order to deserve a special day to commemorate their foolishness. J J. . . No, I am really serious about this because how is it that there is April Fools’ Day and not Wiseman/Smart-ass Day. Only one answer comes to mind; may be, . . . just may be,  these people we term “fools” may in fact be the smarter people of the world who simply choose to play the role of “the fool” for the betterment of all.  If I were to go by the definition of a “fool” as it is in the dictionary, these people cannot remotely be deserving of a special day universally set out for them; or would they?

This was my precise thoughts today as I was driving back from work and thinking how this month of March raced past me so fast and I am staring April 1, 2011 in the face in the next couple of hours! I tried to dig up a dignifying definition of “a fool” from the dictionary but did not find any definition that was dignifying so I give up :-(.

In the context of love, relationships and life generally, I think the so called “fools” fare better than any other category of people that I know.  I remember my Dad always saying that for every successful relationship, there is in it, in fact, someone who acts/plays “the fool”.  Why is that the case I remembered asking my Dad, and his reply; “because acting the fool means overlooking a lot; being quick to forgive your partner, and most importantly, looking to the future instead of looking to past mistakes”. Most importantly,  he said that these so-called “fools in love” always seem very content and happy in their relationships. on the other hand, playing “smart” in a relationship on the other hand would entail using the past as a sure predictor of the future which translates to the fact that one major mistake on your part will effectively seal your destiny if you happen to be in a relationship with these so-called “smart people” since they will never let go of your past mistakes. We know that a fixation with past mistakes of your partner is a sure recipe to the demise of any relationship.

OMG . . .; how profound is that! I totally agree with my Daddy!

As a young adult in my pre-marital days, I was always fascinated by people in loving relationships.  I was and still am a hopeful romantic:-) I would secretly seat back and watch them to see if I can figure out the party “playing the fool” as I always thought they were really great people! It usually was difficult for me to figure out given that everyone appeared happy plus a few minutes or hours just isn’t enough timeJ!  These people purposefully played the role of “the fool” for the betterment of their relationship or may be for the love they had for their spouses and partners J.

Let’s fast-forward to the adult years when we are in actual relationships; either a marital relationship or simply dating someone we really care about.  A full commitment by both parties in the relationship to “playing the fool” will almost always guarantee the picture perfect relationship. Right?  Well . . .  the truth however as we know it is that it never quite happens like that.  What if we really genuinely and deeply love the other person? Can we invest in the role of “playing the fool” for the sake of the love we have for the other party?

For me, “playing the fool” does not in fact make you the fool. It does make you ultimately the smarter one in the relationship because you choose to look forward and not backwards. You choose to be more forgiving, and to overlook a whole lot, and of course to complain less about everything that we see that is wrong with our partners. (Which of course can be millions of things) LOL!!!

In relationships, you’d always hear people generally say that a ship with two captains is always a doomed ship!  Personally I think that a ship can have two captains and sail perfectly fine provided these two captains agree on their ultimate destinations, (yes I say destination(s) because it is perfectly fine to sail to two totally different ports once the captains are in agreement); one of the captains choosing to play foolish for the sake of the journey (commitment), the passengers, and hopefully the captain!  (whom he or she still loves despite their obvious foolishness). J

Choosing to play the fool does not mean you become unhappy and begrudging about it. It is a conscious choice and must be embraced wholeheartedly since it comes from a higher place, a place of selflessness and love!

I do not, in any way, shape, or form advocate that a person stays in a relationship in which the other party is verbally, physically and emotionally abusive!  For me, abuse of any sort tips the scale and is a major deal-breaker unless the perpetrator is rehabilitated! What I do advocate however, is a situation where we are all willing to play “the fool” in our relationships in order to nurture that picture perfect and ultimately positive and loving relationship we all crave! When we return fire for fire in our relationships, we obviously create a fiery explosion and hope the fir-department comes soon enough to quell the damage. LOL;. . .J Playing the fool mean pouring water on a fiery situation, which almost always quenches the flames.

“Playing the fool” does not mean we are weak! It means that we are strong enough to appreciate the challenges in a relationship and smart enough to avoid destroying that which we have created and invested a lot in”! It is almost a divine role to play in any relationship!

Everyone that I know of desires a picture-perfect relationship! Few of these people are willing to assume the roles of “the fool” for the sake of their relationship! 

April Fools’ day is here guys!!!!  As we are pulling off the baddest April Fools’ jokes on our family and friends, Can we also commit to “playing more of the fool” in our relationships?  It is almost like being child-like! Children will forget that you disappointed them or hurt them a minute after the fact and will still love you nonetheless! Children rarely hold on to grudges.

Can we all commit to playing this role even if it is only for this month of April? It is therapeutic and can heal our relationships even if it appears really rocky at this time!  You are choosing something divine over something human!  Your partner will marvel at the new you! I think we can do it.

Have a Wonderful April Fools’ Day and a wonderful month as you assume your new role J wink . . .wink. . . wink. . .

Lovingly yours,