Sunday, February 13, 2011

Re-igniting the magic . . .

So, it is a couple of days before Valentine’s Day of 2011 and there are gifts and packages en route to their ultimate destinations; the doors, offices and mail boxes of loved ones. I love it! All across the globe, spouses, partners, lovers, families and friends will reach out to one another to celebrate their love for each other.  Love is in the air!!!

 Some people exchange gifts because they are truly experiencing this really powerful and magical emotion called Love. Others may feel compelled to exchange gifts in order not to be left out of the glamour and glitz of the celebration; for others, it may be out of sense of necessity, to avoid the wrath of their partners and assuage their consciences. Whatever may be your reason for celebrating this special day; we are all in agreement that we all need and crave this potent emotion on a daily basis from our family, friends, spouses, and lovers.

Ever thought about the phases of most relationships? Most relationship starts off really great with the love meter off the chart. Everyone is happy and content. At this stage, both parties choose to see only the virtues in each other. They do see each other’s short-comings but due to the strength of their love meter, they pay little or no attention to the negatives. This whirl wind of emotion with the passage of time suddenly tapers to a somewhat luke-warm version of love wherein both parties constantly thrive on focusing mostly on each other’s shortcomings and negatives. Occasionally they might comment on each other’s virtues but this short interlude of kindness is quickly taken over by their bickering and whining. At this time, the relationship is stagnant and suffering from a lack of Love. The parties had lost their “love and feeling” and are merely existing.  There may even be a further degeneration of the relationship if nothing is done by the parties at this “luke-warm” stage.  At this point, the indifference towards each other can turn sadly to the other extreme emotion. (which I purposefully refuse to name).

The goal for every relationship is to re-ignite the magic of the early days because we all need LOVE. It does feel soooooo good loving someone and having them love you back right? There are so many fringe benefits to being in LOVE besides the extra swagger in our steps, and the smile that simply refuses to evaporate from our faces, and anyone ever get that weird thing in the pit of their stomach that also feels really good? . . .:-)  Anyway, we feel happier, content and almost euphoric and somehow want to share the love with others because our daily interactions are infused with joy, kindness and happiness.

Here is my 10 top must do “guide to re-igniting the magic” of the early days and keeping your relationship always toasty:

1. Do what you love. It not only keeps you busy, but also puts you in a great mood and ensures that you are focusing less on your partner and his short-comings and more on your passion! It makes every relationship have the desired space it needs to breathe free and easy. (You overcome the compulsive obsessive urge that makes you wanna check your partner’s voice messages, texts, or worse still, following them around!) You are busy doing what you absolutely enjoy. Your great mood would usually rub off on your partner and your family! It is very important that the pervasive mood in your home is one of joy and happiness and not anxiety and sadness. It keeps your partner yearning to come home every day.

2.  Avoid trying to change your partner and restricting his/her freedom! You cannot change an adult unless they desire to change themselves! Concentrate on changing yourself for the better. When your partner sees the “evolution of you”, believe me, they would then wanna change! Love him/her and his/her blemishes with everything you have!

3.  Consciously commit to seeing only the good in your partner and commend him for it. It not only boosts their self-confidence, but research has shown that happier people are more productive people. So bottom line, it equally translates to more income for your family; makes them happier and you know what, these honest compliments might get you some real actions! :-) Seriously!!! :-).

4. Honesty and openness are so vital to building trust in a relationship. Personally, I believe trust to be one of the key ingredients to a successful relationship.

5.  It’s perfectly okay to complain about a situation or shortcoming, but always say it right after an honest compliment and try to phrase it as a question instead of sounding accusatory.  I find that to be very effective. :-) It always gets me my desired result . . . every time!

6. Constantly remind him/her about how crazy you are about him/her through utilizing modern technology to your fullest extent!  - e-mailing, texting, twitting, fbing, video mailing. Our modern world makes it easier for people to work on their relationships even while they are doing 20 other things. I dare you to try opening one of these sweet and naughty e-mails and watch your day transform from routine to extraordinary!

7.  Learn to walk away from the past by being forgiving and avoid talking about that past. Aren't we all guilty of this! Ooouch!!! (I am sooo busted . . .). Arguments always make us wanna talk about the past. Resist, this urge!!! Let him/her have the last word. No one ever wins an argument and so, if it comes to that point that you see it is escalating, . .  . back down, . . . swallow your pride, and walk away. Just let it go! It always would go downhill if you don’t at this point. Hard to do but very rewarding when you practice and perfect this skill!

8.Admit it when you are wrong by saying “sorry”. It has a really powerful effect on the dynamics of a relationship! The receiving spouse almost always accepts the honest apology! End every conversation with, “I love you”! It leaves both partner feeling all toasty and giddy :-)

9.Commit to re-inventing yourself as the years go by; through self-improvement whether it is by looking healthier or by going back to school or by exercising and looking better or finding a new passion. It gives you a better self-image which rubs off too on your partners.

10.   Surround yourself with at least one honest, real, and positive friend or family member who will always keep it real with you no matter the circumstance. This ensures that you have an honest perspective on things regarding your relationship at all times.  We tend to be clouded by emotions when we are dealing with things that personally affect us and must have one real and positive person in our lives.

On a closing note, I wish you and yours a wonderful, warm, and fuzzy Valentine’s Day! I hope that you are able to re-ignite the magic of your early days in the coming weeks and months ahead!

Lovingly yours,


  1. A master piece Ogor, more ink to your pen! Have a fun-filled vals day!

  2. Great advice! Love starts with self and flows to others, especially those around you. I wish you a happy Valentine. Stay positive!

  3. @ Ogor, Thanks my dear! You are very kind. I am glad you loved it! Have yourself a joyful and romantic Valentine's Day!

  4. @Chis, you are a kindred spirit . . .Your comment that, "Love does start from self", is quite profound! I agree!
    Have a FUNNN Valentine's Day my dear!

  5. Whoah!!! Another awesome piece for all of us lovers out there!!! Babe!! You are dead on again on this one!!
    You can say that again!! For sure people want to be in a relationship and once they settle into a relationship, they will like it to Last and work. The only problem is that they do not know how and what to do to make it last!! I totally concur with you ten listed items in this piece!!! Now I know why our relationship is getting stronger and better!!!!I am so proud and lucky to have you!!!!! Happy Valentine’s Day!!!!
    I have to agree with you that in relationships partners must be each other's best friend. They must be there for each other and treat each other with kindness, consideration, love and respect. They must be willing to apologize if they hurt one another in some way. Also they must let each other know how important they are to each other!!
    I think a successful relationship should be egalitarian, in this type of relationship no one partner is better than the other, there are no control issues, but rather an equal partnership type of relationship where each partner recognizes each other's strengths and weaknesses and work together as a team. It is the acceptance of each other for who you are, as you are!!
    As you perfectly pointed out in piece it is very important for partners to avoid trying to change their partners or restricting each other’s freedom! Bottom line, as you rightfully put “you cannot change an adult unless they desire to change themselves” I totally enjoyed this piece, you are a great writer!!
    I love!! I love!!! And I love!! And I love u to dead!!!!!!

  6. Thank you Ide for your in-depth analysis! I really appreciate your consistent and great insights on these topics. Happy Valentine's Day my dear!

  7. That was a good one. Points mentioned are very vital in our day to day relationships with people. True relatiionship are based on trusts and nt on lies. Admit your wrongs and make amends and let it be bygones. Lasting relationship is about taking the matter to God, openness, communication, not letting matters lay over without making up amicably. Do not dewell on partner's weakness as a weapon. Encourage to aspire higher goals, instead of getting ranged over partner's success. Sorry n thank u can go a long way in true relationship. Always appreciate effort made, no matter how little it may be. Commend your partner for work well done. See the best in your partner. Gentle talk, no hash words, cus it hurts a lot. Remain positive at all times.Be a solution provider. Face the hard times together, not only when the going is good. Point 10 is very important. Surround yourself with people that can add value. Love is giving, compassionate, forgiveness, supportive, endurance, sustenance, perseverance n loving. Happy Val to u good people.

  8. sure babe!!! anything for my true love!!!!

  9. @ Anonymous, thank you for your great contribution on this topic! You brought home all the poignant points when you surmised that Love is giving, compassionate, forgiveness, supportive, endurance, sustenance, and perseverance! I agree! Have yourself a wonderful and happy Valentine's Day!

  10. Ogorlicious, you got that right! I agree with so many of your pointers. Although I'd add that it's good to listen to advice from close family and friends but don't let it be paramount in your decision making. Unfortunately, family and friends, no matter how lovely, view life from their own tinted, experience-skewed glasses which may not necessarily match your experience. So bear that in mind.

    1. And. .. you are absolutely right Kiru! Experiences often times give people somewhat of a blueprint for their future conducts no matter how skewed those blue prints may be. I always approach every thing including relationships from the standpoint of the Golden rule and so the tips I shared are meant for people who truly desire great relationships! I always add that if you have a blueprint that absolutely works for you, then by all means stick to it! Thank you so much Kiru for that great pointer!. . :-)