Friday, February 18, 2011

The Power of Self-belief . . .

“Anything is possible for those who can Believe” I am not sure who said this quote first, but I can attest to the profound truth inherent in this quote! Undoubtedly, most of the successful people in the world have a really healthy dose of “self-belief”.  So there must be a weighty correlation between self-belief and success. Self-belief when frequently utilized evolves in to “self-confidence”. In fact, we all need both traits before we can make great strides in whatever our endeavor or calling is! Self-belief and self-confidence are both essential hallmarks of success!

Now, what is self-belief? I see self-belief as that trait that makes us believe that we are capable (on our own) of navigating to our desired destination irrespective of the odds. Self-belief demands that we focus on our strengths and not on our weaknesses. Self-belief demands that we see ourselves only at the finish line and not be pre-occupied with how to get there because we already know that we only need to start moving and that someone, we would reach the finish line!

Generally, very successful people tend to believe that they CAN do whatever it is, and guess what . . .  They usually get it done despite the odds. On the other hand, less successful people usually doubt their self-worth and believe they may not be able to do whatever it is. It gets even worse for people like this, they would in fact come up with a million reasons why they are doomed to fail; and you know what, BINGO! – they fail! 
Bottom line, and most importantly, as Henry Ford put it, “whether you believe you can do a thing or not, either way you are right”.

 Self-confidence comes from a place of faith. The power of faith permeates every religion in the world including Christianity! The Bible is replete with amazing faith-based stories and quotes.  Self-confidence demands an unequivocal belief in yourself despite your limitations. You alone can decide to focus less on those limitations and more on your strength’s. I personally refer to “self-belief” as the “deal commencer” and “self-confidence”, as the “deal finisher”. You need self-belief to start whatever it is, and must walk along with self-confidence in order to pass the finish line. Do not bother starting a new venture when you lack these twin qualities! Without self-belief, and self-confidence, the future definitely becomes a series of uphill battles. It is only when you believe in yourself that you are able to bring others to your side, no matter what your calling is in life.  There are people we call “charismatic”, who may not necessarily be the most educated, smartest or best looking people in a room and yet; everyone in the room is instantly drawn to their magnetic energy!  They exude self-confidence and have an easy breezy personality about them. Ever met people like that? I have!

A lack of self-confidence permeates every inch of your being and always has abysmal outcomes. There is usually and quite honestly a sad trademark about people who lack these twin traits. People with little or no self-confidence usually thrive on pointing out flaws in others rather than fixing their own limitations and flaws. It is very important that we are comfortable in our own skin because our entire personality is constantly projecting either a healthy dose of self-confidence or a lack of it.  If you are seeking employment or trying to sell a product or an idea to another, your body language tells the potential buyer, whether you are worth giving a shot or not! It is that simple! A lack of self-belief and confidence is practically like going into a battle already defeated!

Let’s talk a little bit about limitations. No one comes custom-made with exact specifications. Every human being is conscious of a flaw or a limitation which can only become obvious to people and circumstances if we draw attention to it by exuding a lack of self-confidence. These limitations can also become huge obstacles to our confidence level if we dwell unnecessarily on them without finding ways to improve those limitations. Picture it like this, every person that you see (including yourself) is struggling with some limitation that they wish didn’t exist or that they could change and so, life essentially becomes a battle of who is better able to feel comfortable in their skin despite those limitations. You must trust in yourself and believe that you are good enough and deserving of beautiful and wonderful things in order for beautiful and wonderful things to happen to you.

To a large extent, most adults who struggle with this lack of belief in themselves actually may have been children who lacked encouragement from the adults and care-givers in their lives at a much younger age and then unconsciously assimilates this lack of self-belief into their psyche. This should be the number one reason why we must encourage our children and praise every little effort they make because it unconsciously molds them into confident adults. (and this can be hard when they push our buttons, but so worth doing)J

Wanna try some self-confidence tips and experience its transformational effects in your business and relationships? Here are some really helpful suggestions that work:
  1. Love and adore yourself even with your limitations. Everyone is struggling with theirs. When you love yourself, people sense that you are comfortable in your own skin and are instantly drawn to you. Most importantly, people cannot find you lovable and loving when you cannot even cut yourself that slack ! For a lot of people that I know, having love in their lives can actually be a huge self-belief/confidence booster!
  2. Commit only to seeing the finish line and picture yourself crossing it! Just start without over- analyzing the means. The “means” usually shows up when you start from a place of self-belief and faith.
  3. Work on improving your limitation if you think it is a huge obstacle to your success.
  4. Always believe in positive outcomes! Do not doubt or preempt a situation because you will usually get your expected outcome. Even an iota of doubt will always jinx what would have been favorable outcome.
  5. Discover or re-discover a talent or hobby that has lain dormant inside of you for years. Hone that skill and perfect it. Doing what you do well and recording successes is a huge confidence booster!
  6. Practice stepping out of your comfort zone often times. Repeat that thing which you find may be helpful to your carrier or your relationship but you aren't just comfortable with it yet. Keep at it and never give up. When you experience the gratification that comes with it, it gives you more impetus to believe in yourself!
  7. Surround yourself with positive people who can applaud your strength and mildly point out your weaknesses. Essentially, People who believe in you. By the same token, try to be that person who can honestly tell another that they have faith in them. It’s really powerful That way, you are building your self-confidence and that of another person.
  8.  Never wait to get a majority support before embarking on something that you believe in. Start with one percent support from a place of self-belief; when success comes knocking on your door, you will get 120% support. That is plain and simple human nature!
  9. Practice seeing and acknowledging only the good in others and commend them for it! It usually comes back to you either directly or indirectly. It is also a huge confidence booster. Unduly focusing on others and their negatives will keep you in a negative place and bring further negative outcomes to you resulting in the depletion of your already ravaged self-belief and self-confidence.
  10. Never believe anyone who tells you that you cannot do it because you can! Rid your life of people who always tell you that you cannot and are constantly looking for faults. They are toxic to your health and also to your life because you can unconsciously believe their truth for you which is quite different from your truth which is the one that matters! You are the sole captain of your ship! If you believe them, you are doomed for failure.

On a closing note, I know of people who have embraced this attitude of self-belief and self-confidence and watched their lives transform from ordinary to extraordinary. I have also seen people who have stood behind the same fence for years afraid to step into their destiny. Would you dare to step into your destiny?

Lovingly yours,


Sunday, February 13, 2011

Re-igniting the magic . . .

So, it is a couple of days before Valentine’s Day of 2011 and there are gifts and packages en route to their ultimate destinations; the doors, offices and mail boxes of loved ones. I love it! All across the globe, spouses, partners, lovers, families and friends will reach out to one another to celebrate their love for each other.  Love is in the air!!!

 Some people exchange gifts because they are truly experiencing this really powerful and magical emotion called Love. Others may feel compelled to exchange gifts in order not to be left out of the glamour and glitz of the celebration; for others, it may be out of sense of necessity, to avoid the wrath of their partners and assuage their consciences. Whatever may be your reason for celebrating this special day; we are all in agreement that we all need and crave this potent emotion on a daily basis from our family, friends, spouses, and lovers.

Ever thought about the phases of most relationships? Most relationship starts off really great with the love meter off the chart. Everyone is happy and content. At this stage, both parties choose to see only the virtues in each other. They do see each other’s short-comings but due to the strength of their love meter, they pay little or no attention to the negatives. This whirl wind of emotion with the passage of time suddenly tapers to a somewhat luke-warm version of love wherein both parties constantly thrive on focusing mostly on each other’s shortcomings and negatives. Occasionally they might comment on each other’s virtues but this short interlude of kindness is quickly taken over by their bickering and whining. At this time, the relationship is stagnant and suffering from a lack of Love. The parties had lost their “love and feeling” and are merely existing.  There may even be a further degeneration of the relationship if nothing is done by the parties at this “luke-warm” stage.  At this point, the indifference towards each other can turn sadly to the other extreme emotion. (which I purposefully refuse to name).

The goal for every relationship is to re-ignite the magic of the early days because we all need LOVE. It does feel soooooo good loving someone and having them love you back right? There are so many fringe benefits to being in LOVE besides the extra swagger in our steps, and the smile that simply refuses to evaporate from our faces, and anyone ever get that weird thing in the pit of their stomach that also feels really good? . . .:-)  Anyway, we feel happier, content and almost euphoric and somehow want to share the love with others because our daily interactions are infused with joy, kindness and happiness.

Here is my 10 top must do “guide to re-igniting the magic” of the early days and keeping your relationship always toasty:

1. Do what you love. It not only keeps you busy, but also puts you in a great mood and ensures that you are focusing less on your partner and his short-comings and more on your passion! It makes every relationship have the desired space it needs to breathe free and easy. (You overcome the compulsive obsessive urge that makes you wanna check your partner’s voice messages, texts, or worse still, following them around!) You are busy doing what you absolutely enjoy. Your great mood would usually rub off on your partner and your family! It is very important that the pervasive mood in your home is one of joy and happiness and not anxiety and sadness. It keeps your partner yearning to come home every day.

2.  Avoid trying to change your partner and restricting his/her freedom! You cannot change an adult unless they desire to change themselves! Concentrate on changing yourself for the better. When your partner sees the “evolution of you”, believe me, they would then wanna change! Love him/her and his/her blemishes with everything you have!

3.  Consciously commit to seeing only the good in your partner and commend him for it. It not only boosts their self-confidence, but research has shown that happier people are more productive people. So bottom line, it equally translates to more income for your family; makes them happier and you know what, these honest compliments might get you some real actions! :-) Seriously!!! :-).

4. Honesty and openness are so vital to building trust in a relationship. Personally, I believe trust to be one of the key ingredients to a successful relationship.

5.  It’s perfectly okay to complain about a situation or shortcoming, but always say it right after an honest compliment and try to phrase it as a question instead of sounding accusatory.  I find that to be very effective. :-) It always gets me my desired result . . . every time!

6. Constantly remind him/her about how crazy you are about him/her through utilizing modern technology to your fullest extent!  - e-mailing, texting, twitting, fbing, video mailing. Our modern world makes it easier for people to work on their relationships even while they are doing 20 other things. I dare you to try opening one of these sweet and naughty e-mails and watch your day transform from routine to extraordinary!

7.  Learn to walk away from the past by being forgiving and avoid talking about that past. Aren't we all guilty of this! Ooouch!!! (I am sooo busted . . .). Arguments always make us wanna talk about the past. Resist, this urge!!! Let him/her have the last word. No one ever wins an argument and so, if it comes to that point that you see it is escalating, . .  . back down, . . . swallow your pride, and walk away. Just let it go! It always would go downhill if you don’t at this point. Hard to do but very rewarding when you practice and perfect this skill!

8.Admit it when you are wrong by saying “sorry”. It has a really powerful effect on the dynamics of a relationship! The receiving spouse almost always accepts the honest apology! End every conversation with, “I love you”! It leaves both partner feeling all toasty and giddy :-)

9.Commit to re-inventing yourself as the years go by; through self-improvement whether it is by looking healthier or by going back to school or by exercising and looking better or finding a new passion. It gives you a better self-image which rubs off too on your partners.

10.   Surround yourself with at least one honest, real, and positive friend or family member who will always keep it real with you no matter the circumstance. This ensures that you have an honest perspective on things regarding your relationship at all times.  We tend to be clouded by emotions when we are dealing with things that personally affect us and must have one real and positive person in our lives.

On a closing note, I wish you and yours a wonderful, warm, and fuzzy Valentine’s Day! I hope that you are able to re-ignite the magic of your early days in the coming weeks and months ahead!

Lovingly yours,