It really is an easy choice; I choose Happy ~

So, I was having a conversation with my daddy over the topic of prayers generally and the very act of praying specifically! We tend to want and want and constantly ask and ask, and ask. My dad had mentioned that he finally understood that everything that he “needed” out of life had already been given to him and that as a consequence of this, his prayers must no longer be that of asking of God to do this. . . and that .. . ; but one of absolute gratitude for that which he had already done! Hmmmm. . .; whao!!! He insisted that we just needed to slightly open our eyes in order to take the blessings in.

I will come back to this conversation later on.  I look around me with my ignorant and mundane eyes and see that I have a lot of things that needed to be done and a lot of apparent problems that needed to be solved and something else, my “to do” list happens to be as long as the Mississippi river. :-)

I then decide to take a second look and dig deeper into my whole life (in law, we call this the totality of the circumstance test):-). In order to do a really thorough analysis, you’d really need to step out of your body and look in as an outsider would.  In that moment,  I saw a healthy, well -adjusted mother of four healthy children, with a  husband to die for (I call him my very own “yori-yori”, meaning heart beat), doing a job that I love, making a difference in the lives of my clients, waking up every morning to every bone in my body and my children’s bodies still intact and rising up with me, someone who has never suffered or lived through any of the natural disaster that I see happen to people just like me on what is fast becoming a daily basis.   I pause . . . ; a really long pause and then stepped out of that outsider’s body, and a tirade of outburst like this one, “ Ogor, . . . , how dare you not be anything but extremely happy and grateful for the gifts and blessings in your life”!!!!

You know . . . ;everything in life is about perception. How you perceive something determines the level of control and power it will have over you! Our perception of a thing makes it a problem or just another curve in the road of life! Two people might be on the verge of losing their jobs or their homes and to one, even though he knows that it as a difficult situation, he chooses instead to see it  is just another curve on the road of life. He chooses instead to embrace and focus on the other gifts and blessings in his life – gift of good health, good friends who could help him out, good families who will be there for him regardless. Etc. Not only would the situation get to resolve itself, life will and often times present a way out of the treacherous situation with that kind of healthy mental attitude. Why? Because he did not let the adverse situation eat him up and destroy the only thing that he must hold on to at all cost – Hope! Because he purposefully chose to channel that adversity to a frequency of gratitude, life rises up to his frequency and presents more grateful scenarios to him!

 To another, the loss of a job or a home will mean the end of the world and the complete loss of hope. The inordinate negative energy and loss of hope channeled to this unfortunate occurrence often times begins to result in diminishing health. The more worry and hopelessness that is channeled to these events, the more the event gathers momentum and  is powered into a cycle of more negative occurrences!  Ever heard about the cliché, “when it rains, it pours”? That is exactly what happens to us when we fail to take a real perspective of events and circumstances in our lives.

Life can and does get really difficult and tough sometimes.  If it doesn't kill you, then it is meant to teach you a thing or two, and might very well be a blessing in disguise. Knowing what I know now, I will never let a seemingly tough situation weigh me down; I would rather cease that opportunity to be grateful for the blessings that have been bestowed on me! The reason it is always good to have in depth conversations with people( in this case, daddy dearest) :-)

As always, I finally understood where my daddy was headed with his theory that prayers must be all gratitude and No Seeking favors because we have already been given that which we NEED! (Keyword being “need”).

On a closing note, I ask you – “When life throws a curve at you, would you choose hopelessness and worry or would you dare look at your life and choose HAPPY because of the numerous gifts that you have already been given? I think we have a really easy choice here!

 Let’s commit to making it a habit to offer mostly prayers of gratitude and genuinely SMILE at LIFE irrespective of what our current circumstances are (because there are really a lot to smile and be grateful for) ; LIFE will in turn SMILE back at us:-)

Lovingly yours,

Ogor

LOVE and infidelity . . .

Hope everyone is having a really great “merry month of May”! I love this month for a lot of reasons. First and foremost, a reason that might smack of a teeny bit of selfishness J . . .,but,  I am pretty sure that  I can be pardoned .  I was born in this fantastic month of May. Secondly, May is such a beautiful and glorious spring month.  I was in my car going to work this morning and was in awe of the beauty around me; every flower and every tree that I saw was in its full bloom! Such breath-taking scenery that just reminds you that everything about nature is perfection! Simple perfection! . . .; thanks to this glorious month! 

So guys, this topic that I wanted to explore is one that just has hit home for a lot of people. It’s everywhere around us. Society sort of gives it some tacit acceptance. Every time you turn on the television or on the radio, you hear spouses separating because of it! Others stand silently behind a spouse that strays hopelessly grappling for a good reason to stay on in in such relationships! We all jump in, either to condemn or support the parties involved! The fact that this might be the case still cannot and does not make infidelity right.  I have been asked my opinion on whether one can still love and stay with their spouses or significant others even after they stray. Can a relationship really survive and successfully re-build after this ultimate breach of trust.

In a situation when you love your partner or spouse with every inch of your being and then you realize that she or he had been carrying on with a clandestine affair. It is devastating and gut-wrenching! It is even more so, when the other man or woman involved looks a lot better than you do or is on a higher socio-economic ladder than you are. It is the ultimate betrayal especially when the relationship is one that is founded on a marital union which really is sacred. Marriage is a solemn and sacrosanct union. The party in a marriage indulging in infidelity is really committing an atrocity not only against this union and the innocent spouse, but most importantly against himself given the grave potential consequences.

I have to really define Love as best as I can, given that we rightly assume that love precedes every relationship and hopefully is the foundation of every relationship both marital and non-marital. Without being overtly religious with this discussion, I still strongly believe that the best definition of Love that I have yet to see is biblically based. “God is Love” – 1 John 4.8; “love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude. It is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil, but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails”. 1 Corinthian 13:4. Isn’t that just beautiful? I think it is absolutely flawless!!!

The above quotes are the most authoritative, profound and powerful definitions of Love ever written. 

I do not believe that Love is a visceral reaction or that it is entirely feeling-based.  Last week, I encountered a gentleman who was also an attorney and we started talking about this topic. He stated to me what his perception of Love was. I am compelled to share this with you. J.  He said, “Love is really not a feeling, rather, it is an investment”.  I thought it was really poignant. I thought it was true. I continued thinking about his definition and how Love can really be a multi-faceted investment.  I surmised that Love must be an investment of emotions, commitment, time, effort, etc.  mmmmmmmmh . . . Do you agree?

So, If we truly understand the meaning of love, would we really cheat on our spouses and significant others that we love? I honestly would think NOT! Infidelity is a selfish act! It epitomizes the absence of God or whatever label you choose to give your creator, or that higher being most of us believe exists.

Infidelity is the ultimate breach of trust! It rocks the very foundation on which a marriage rests! It devastates the innocent party and destroys years of “selfless investments” in a twinkle of an eye!

People can and do make mistakes in their lives. We should and must forgive someone that we love when they make mistakes like these not only for the sake of the love that we have for the person, but for the sake of ourselves in order to move on, and create space in our lives for good to come in.

There really are consequences for every good deed or bad deed that we indulge in even when no one is looking. We are endowed with the natural ability to choose Good over Evil. When we decide to “bank wrong”, hefty grime awaits us at the ATM! It is that simple! It comes back to us in form of events that mirror the same good or bad deeds only that it is given back to us with interests and dividends!  Having this in mind, when we do cheat on someone that we profess to love, it not only causes toxicity to our relationship, but the negative nature of the deed itself will ultimately attract to the perpetrators, similar negative events and situation.  These transgressors often wonder why things are going wrong in their lives and are quick to forget that when they purposefully hurt another that they owe the duty of fidelity and protection, they are simply courting disaster. It is sure to happen! It is only a matter of time.

Personally, the sad piece for me is the fact that the innocent party in the whole mess might be affected by the consequences that the perpetrator is suffering -The law of unintended consequences. Innocent children are caught in the fire! Some innocent parties end up suffering intense psychological, physical, and emotional devastation because thing that affects a loved one tends to affect the people in their lives.

If you feel that you no longer wish to stay faithful to your spouse or significant other, take the last honorable step left; take the official walk away from your relationship or marriage into the arms of the meddlesome interloper who is worth giving up that which you have so painstakingly invested in; at least, you are greatly minimizing the grime that which awaits you at the ATM. Then, it is no longer an act of infidelity! You are free to do it! If it would not feel good when it is done to you, why then would you repeatedly do it to someone you profess to love.

As for the innocent parties in relationships who still believe in the ideals of fidelity, marriage and true love, never be deterred at all! You never go wrong when you are in the Right! Continue living your life and giving your ALL to the person or persons that you love. Don’t let a transgressor push you to seek revenge by indulging in the same atrocious act!  I advocate never keeping track of how much you’ve sacrificed for a relationship provided that it is with someone that you love. Relationships are very complex and challenging! It demands a lot of investment! Who says that it is meant to be easy? If it was meant to be easy, then it is not something that is good and true. Be very afraid of a relationship that is seamless! Great relationship demands parties or at least one party that is willing to go one hundred percent! Once you have done your part, leave the rest up to your creator.

In conclusion, I think that infidelity (notice I didn’t say infidelities) can happen in a loving relationship.  People can make one-time mistakes and if they express their remorse, must be given the benefit of the doubt and be forgiven. In forgiving, I do not in any way wish to diminish the selfishness and inherent evil in infidelity. However, forgiveness is the only place to go because it releases the innocent party and opens up for them, more “windows of good” in their lives. It comes from a higher place. Forgiveness equals Love.  

For the habitual transgressor,  . . ., you know, there is no such thing as repeatedly cheating on someone that you love. Repeated infidelity is simply antithetical to the nature of Love. Repeated infidelity and Love are mutually exclusive! Perhaps a further realization that the very negative nature of infidelity will harm them not just literally, but through events and circumstances that will inflict pain on them similar to the pain that the innocent spouse experienced (only that it will be a lot worse) might just be sufficient deterrent.  

As for the meddlesome interloper who has consciously injected himself/herself in a relationship that he/she is aware is alive and thriving especially the sacred marital relationship!  It is coming back at you!  mmm. . .mmm. . .mmm; You end of reaping with huge dividends and interests, that which you give to another.

Irrespective of the side of the table that you are on, you owe it to yourself to treat the other party in your relationship as kind and as loving as possible. It is the right thing to do! It ensures and almost guarantees a happy life for both parties in a relationship.  A happy life after all, is really the whole essence of living isn’t it? I think so J

I wish you a fantastic merry month of May!

Lovingly yours,

Ogor

XOXO ~

Whose life is it anyway?

Unfortunately, most of us go through life exactly the same way a treasured object whose owner loses to the waters of the ocean while aboard a cruise ship would behave L .Notice the object gets more beat up the further it travels through the currents of the ocean because it is pummeled by the waves and the elements as it floats aimlessly and endlessly. Finally, it may drift ashore onto a beach. Sometimes someone who happens to be on the beach recognizes the treasure in the object, picks it up appreciating its value and then decides to take it home and put it into good use. Other times, this treasured object might not be so lucky and it simply gets buried in the sands of the beach forever.

A lot of us still believe that life is happening to us when in fact; we are active participants in charting the courses of our lives through our current actions, thoughts, and words. We are creating either consciously or unconsciously every single circumstance, experience, events and even people that come into our lives.

Our biggest problems include the following, a) Having the courage to step into our lives; b) Having the courage to take full ownership of our lives; and c) Having the courage to live life as fearlessly as we possibly can without worrying about what other people will think of our actions.


 The sad truth is that often times, we tend to play the role of outsiders in our own lives who are merely on the outside, looking in! An outsider is usually unable to do much in a situation that he does not own or control. Fear usually holds us back and makes us slaves to other people’s toxic emotions, feelings, and opinions. Unless we are still minors who continue to be answerable to parents or guardians and other care-givers in their lives, nothing should stop us as adults from asserting ourselves in our own lives and being fully present in it!  

For me, truly living our lives to its fullest potential, means taking full ownership of it and resisting that urge that makes us constantly to seek approval and validation from everything outside of us because we have so much power in us to make anything happen!

A life that is lived through the mirror of another’s experience, feelings and opinion, is a tainted life. Until we assume full ownership of our life by living it on our own terms, we really have not started living; we are merely simply, existing.

I personally believe that a lot of inventions, dreams, and aspirations that potentially could have re-written the course of human history are taken to graves by its owners on a daily basis simply because their owners never quite emerged into their own lives!

People sometimes seek affirmations and approval from others and end up abandoning a dream that could have been worth so much! Sometimes, the person you are seeking affirmation from is not on the same frequency as you to appreciate the genius behind that dream or aspiration; or, he does not appreciate the meaning and magnitude of that dream to you; or, he may be simply misguided by other negative emotions like jealousy or envy; or even, they simply lack the requisite expertise needed to offer you any advice on that topic.

Begin asking yourself this question on a monthly basis (I say monthly because I know it is a gradual evolution), “Have I really emerged in to my life; am I still an outsider or have I emerged as the true landlord in my life”?; if the answer is a NO, ask again, “am I ready to emerge into my life as the owner/landlord”? Hopefully, with time and more exercise on “self-belief”, the answer will change to a YES! (See the article on the power of self-belief).

Unless your goal, dream or aspiration injures, or harms the interest of a third person, every dream is worth pursing relentlessly because it is your dream and your life, and you’ve committed to living life to its fullest potential and making a grand exit when it is all said and done.J

Recently, I went to New Jersey on a quest to fulfill one of the greatest dreams of my life. I stayed at my sister’s house and she was in awe of the distance that I had gone to try to achieve this dream. I did not quite achieve that dream this time around but I understood it was one of the many bridges that I may have to cross before reaching that Dream. The part of the story pertinent to this topic was when my sister took me to the gym where she works out! Normally, I try to cramp in some exercise to my day. I run and also do my elliptical and try to burn at least 400 calories on a daily basis. For a long time, I felt pretty good about it. I feel healthier and more energetic! Then my sister tells me that she burns between 600-650 calories on a daily basis. “Whao!!!”,  I screamed!  That is too much calorie to burn for one day. It must equal torture, I thought, because I knew that it must require an additional 20-30 minutes of exercise on the elliptical.  While I was thinking about this and trying to conjure a good reason why I should stick to what I have been doing, (400 calories) I experienced what Oprah would call an AHA moment!

 My thought was precisely this – there is no other physical manifestation of me (Ogor Winnie Okoye) but this one body that I am living in. I do not see any other me.  . . ; if that is the case, why in the world should I not try committing to making this one body as healthy and as beautiful as I possibly can? burning 400 calories per day is great! I sure can make it even greater by burning 650 calories!  With that thought in my head, I stepped up on the elliptical and 650 calories later, I stepped down! Wooo. . . Hooo. . .! I did it! It was not easy, but it was done! It felt really good!

Today, let us renounce living our lives as strangers or like outsiders looking in. Let us commit to stepping it up a notch and announcing our presence in our lives, unafraid of anything or anyone!

On a closing note, a lot of us are still trapped in our cocoon unsure of when we will eventually emerge into beautiful and handsome butterflies that we are meant to be. I do not wanna be in this cocoon anymore. Do you? Some of us like the treasure that washes ashore on a beach, may never get anyone who appreciates our value and take us home finally putting us to good use. Do we want to be in the other category where we are buried in the sands of the beach forever? A lot of us go through life never announcing our presence in it:-(.

Because I am so ready to emerge into my life and announce my presence in my life, ( I really feel like saying, "Hello Life! It is nice to finally meet you!); I really need to ask this, just one more time, . . . , pardon me, . . . “Whose life is it anyway”? If it is your life, . . . then, immerse yourself completely into it; Live it to its fullest potential; Celebrate it as much as you can; Dream as crazy as you wish and please. . ., please, . . . BE NOT AFRAID to pursue those dreams as fervently as possible! Why? Because IT IS YOUR LIFE ~

XOXO,

Lovingly yours,

Ogor Winnie okoye

Happy April Fools' Day!!!

I’d say that the fools of this world must have done a thing or two right in order to deserve a special day to commemorate their foolishness. J J. . . No, I am really serious about this because how is it that there is April Fools’ Day and not Wiseman/Smart-ass Day. Only one answer comes to mind; may be, . . . just may be,  these people we term “fools” may in fact be the smarter people of the world who simply choose to play the role of “the fool” for the betterment of all.  If I were to go by the definition of a “fool” as it is in the dictionary, these people cannot remotely be deserving of a special day universally set out for them; or would they?

This was my precise thoughts today as I was driving back from work and thinking how this month of March raced past me so fast and I am staring April 1, 2011 in the face in the next couple of hours! I tried to dig up a dignifying definition of “a fool” from the dictionary but did not find any definition that was dignifying so I give up :-(.

In the context of love, relationships and life generally, I think the so called “fools” fare better than any other category of people that I know.  I remember my Dad always saying that for every successful relationship, there is in it, in fact, someone who acts/plays “the fool”.  Why is that the case I remembered asking my Dad, and his reply; “because acting the fool means overlooking a lot; being quick to forgive your partner, and most importantly, looking to the future instead of looking to past mistakes”. Most importantly,  he said that these so-called “fools in love” always seem very content and happy in their relationships. on the other hand, playing “smart” in a relationship on the other hand would entail using the past as a sure predictor of the future which translates to the fact that one major mistake on your part will effectively seal your destiny if you happen to be in a relationship with these so-called “smart people” since they will never let go of your past mistakes. We know that a fixation with past mistakes of your partner is a sure recipe to the demise of any relationship.

OMG . . .; how profound is that! I totally agree with my Daddy!

As a young adult in my pre-marital days, I was always fascinated by people in loving relationships.  I was and still am a hopeful romantic:-) I would secretly seat back and watch them to see if I can figure out the party “playing the fool” as I always thought they were really great people! It usually was difficult for me to figure out given that everyone appeared happy plus a few minutes or hours just isn’t enough timeJ!  These people purposefully played the role of “the fool” for the betterment of their relationship or may be for the love they had for their spouses and partners J.

Let’s fast-forward to the adult years when we are in actual relationships; either a marital relationship or simply dating someone we really care about.  A full commitment by both parties in the relationship to “playing the fool” will almost always guarantee the picture perfect relationship. Right?  Well . . .  the truth however as we know it is that it never quite happens like that.  L What if we really genuinely and deeply love the other person? Can we invest in the role of “playing the fool” for the sake of the love we have for the other party?

For me, “playing the fool” does not in fact make you the fool. It does make you ultimately the smarter one in the relationship because you choose to look forward and not backwards. You choose to be more forgiving, and to overlook a whole lot, and of course to complain less about everything that we see that is wrong with our partners. (Which of course can be millions of things) LOL!!!

In relationships, you’d always hear people generally say that a ship with two captains is always a doomed ship!  Personally I think that a ship can have two captains and sail perfectly fine provided these two captains agree on their ultimate destinations, (yes I say destination(s) because it is perfectly fine to sail to two totally different ports once the captains are in agreement); one of the captains choosing to play foolish for the sake of the journey (commitment), the passengers, and hopefully the captain!  (whom he or she still loves despite their obvious foolishness). J

Choosing to play the fool does not mean you become unhappy and begrudging about it. It is a conscious choice and must be embraced wholeheartedly since it comes from a higher place, a place of selflessness and love!

I do not, in any way, shape, or form advocate that a person stays in a relationship in which the other party is verbally, physically and emotionally abusive!  For me, abuse of any sort tips the scale and is a major deal-breaker unless the perpetrator is rehabilitated! What I do advocate however, is a situation where we are all willing to play “the fool” in our relationships in order to nurture that picture perfect and ultimately positive and loving relationship we all crave! When we return fire for fire in our relationships, we obviously create a fiery explosion and hope the fir-department comes soon enough to quell the damage. LOL;. . .J Playing the fool mean pouring water on a fiery situation, which almost always quenches the flames.

“Playing the fool” does not mean we are weak! It means that we are strong enough to appreciate the challenges in a relationship and smart enough to avoid destroying that which we have created and invested a lot in”! It is almost a divine role to play in any relationship!

Everyone that I know of desires a picture-perfect relationship! Few of these people are willing to assume the roles of “the fool” for the sake of their relationship! 

April Fools’ day is here guys!!!!  As we are pulling off the baddest April Fools’ jokes on our family and friends, Can we also commit to “playing more of the fool” in our relationships?  It is almost like being child-like! Children will forget that you disappointed them or hurt them a minute after the fact and will still love you nonetheless! Children rarely hold on to grudges.

Can we all commit to playing this role even if it is only for this month of April? It is therapeutic and can heal our relationships even if it appears really rocky at this time!  You are choosing something divine over something human!  Your partner will marvel at the new you! I think we can do it.

Have a Wonderful April Fools’ Day and a wonderful month as you assume your new role J wink . . .wink. . . wink. . .

Lovingly yours,

Ogor

Our Feelings are Everything;. . . What are you currently Feeling?

Happy first day of spring! Spring is such a wonderful season. Tis the season of re-birth and re-awakening of all things that appears dead or dormant! Everyone of us needs a re-awakening at some point in our lives. The thought of the first day of spring made me think about this topic!

If someone were to ask you now to describe your pervasive mood today, what would your answer be? Would you answer happy; stressed; anxious; sad; down; excited; tired; angry; grateful; joyful, ? Hopefully you are at a good place. If you happen not to be at a good “feeling mode”, today is just perfect to usher in the right feeling mode with springJ Lets do it!

Why is this so important? Because our “feeling mode” usually influences most of the experience, people and circumstance that we encounter during the course of our day. We’ve all had it at one time or another.  You just wake up from the farthest and wrongest side of your bed and watch your whole entire day go from worse to “WORST” a/k/a, “the day from hell”. Did you know that what you choose to feel at any given time charts the course of your day, your week, your month, your year, and eventually your life? As long as you let the “bad feeling mode” from your morning remain with you throughout the course of your day, you are definitely on the guest list for “the day from hell”. You and I know that it is the worst party to get an invite for!

Our thoughts are everything. It slowly evolves into our feelings. Feelings are very potent emotions. We vacillate and process millions of thoughts throughout the day at really rapid successions. Most of these thoughts end up not influencing our feelings at all. There are however some thoughts that we choose to pay attention to (because they bother us more or for whatever reason) that eventually evolves into our feelings and dictates our pervasive emotion. This is the critical point where we are called to Action!  I say “called to action” because at this point, it demands a conscious effort on our part. What thoughts amongst these millions of thoughts that we think throughout the course of our day should we allow to evolve into the “feeling mode”.  Sad, stressful, negative thoughts should not make that list. They are constantly the ones’ that try the hardest to evolve into the feeling mode. Resist, Resist, and Resist! Turn it back to a great feeling mode because you can and you need great experience and circumstances in your life!

Remember this, thoughts evolve into feelings; feelings are potent creatures that can grow wings and take flight; choose to create only productive and positive feelings that can only gather positive and productive experiences for your life.

I am always painstakingly sifting through my thoughts throughout the day and trying to make a conscious effort to stay on a great feeling mode and be happy even when the odds are stacked against me. (It is so funny because there are times that the odds are not only stacked against you, but has you pinned under it, (LOL!) and the worst thing to do is to allow it also to stomp you on the head through feeling hopeless and down).Think about this carefully,  . . . everyone of us has enormously stressful situations in our lives that bother us a lot. Most times, there is simply not a lot we can do to change it. Right? Why in the world should I stay stressed about a circumstance that i have no control over especially when I have done my part. In such situations, the best we can do is to remain optimistic and usher happy feelings into our “feeling mode”.  Fussing and stressing about it keeps us restricted to a negative place that will as usual, grow wings and take flight by ushering similarly situated events and experiences into our lives.

One of the most significant realization for me in embarking on this journey of finding peace, happiness and success is the realization that the people that are currently in our lives are usually mirror-images of what our feeling mode or frequency has been for a while. If we have people that are constantly whining, pessimistic, hyper-critical of others, negative, etc.; chances are that WE are the same way or slowly drifting to the same feeling mode and frequency. 

Let me share a somewhat funny experience that happened to me in the past week that epitomizes this topic. I wake up late and have to get 3 children and a toddler ready within half an hour; drop everyone off, and be in court that is 25 minutes away.  Pheww!!!! J Great! . . . I woke up screaming at how messed up my day is shaping up to be! I screamed at the older children for not listening to their alarm clock. (When mommy is in this mood, they know there is fire on the mountain, RUN!RUN!RUN!J.  I finally get to put everyone in the car only to realize one of the children is covered in mud because they decided to play for the 5minutes that it took me to get ready. (We had a crazy winter and the snow on the ground recently melted and exposed a substantial layer of mud that my child decided to bath himself with).

 Great!  . . .I come outside to the shock of the mud splatter and spent another 10 minutes cleaning him up while still screaming and lamenting on how hard this stupid day is shaping up for me! I finally dropped the kids off and made it to court (late) only to realize that my case was on the list for the next day (even my calendar had it right but I saw it wrong because of my “bad feeling mode”)! I left the courthouse even more upset at myself and the 25 minutes journey back to my office should have been spent turning my feeling mode around by listening to my inspirational songs CDs but NO, I am still mad at myself!

As I was driving to my office, I thought about the kids’ appointment with their dentist later on that day. I have to pick the kids up early from school for their dentist appointment at 1:15pm. I have to be in their school around 12:30pm. Still mad, I still managed to pick them up from school at 12:30pm. We were in the dentist’s office nice and early at 1:00pm. It took me at least 15 minutes to complete the usual long intakes for the children. I handed it over to the receptionist and then she said, “did you get our message”, “which message” I asked her, “we left you a message that we had to change the time to 3:15pm because the dentist had an emergency but will be back for the 3:15pm slot”. 

OOOOOOOOO;MMMMMMMMMMMMM;GGGGGGGGGGG! !! “What are you saying”, was what I heard myself mutter under my breath! Then and there, I did not need anyone to tell me that I needed to change my frequency for the day from a negative mode to a super duper positive mode! I am thinking how I wasted a perfect day! I pulled the kids from school and they are missing school and it’s too late to take them back because school will be over soon and did she say 3:15pm? I rescheduled the appointment with a huge smile on my face.  I noticed the receptionist staring at me unsure of what to make of the big smile!

Ok, I put the kids back in the car, and explained to them the events of the day and the lesson that I learnt as a result! They got it, thankfully! They reminded me of one of my favorite quotes, “you must be joyful and happy before joyful and happy things can happen to you”. Yeah, my babies needed to remind me of my quote! On our way home, we blasted our inspirational song CD which I should have blasted the minute I came out of my house this morning. I should have accepted the fact that I was late and that no one will die and that the world will still be there and be thankful for a day that I woke up healthy with my entire family and no one had any aches and pains. I should have just been grateful for a new day! I switched it around and we stayed up making home videos of everyone singing their favorite songs! I was feeling really happy and content by the time I put them to bed and hit the pillow myself! I woke up with a huge smile as i reminisced about the events of the previous day:-)

Here are my top must must dos’ to change from a bad feeling mode to a great feeling mode:


1.      When your negative thoughts want to influence your feeling mode, turn it around to a great frequency by thinking about something that you love or someone that you love! Follow it up with an action that puts you back on a positive frequency! Play a song you love or call a friend that you love!


2    Appreciate and be grateful for the blessing in your life especially when it looks like things are going really wrong. It could always be worse. Think about people in Japan, Libya, in hospitals, etc. Your pitiful and negative feeling pales in comparison to the lives of individuals in the afore-mentioned situations!


3.       Constantly check in with your feeling mode and ask yourself what you ‘re currently feeling. If you have drifted to the negative side, turn it around! You gain nothing by being there and everything by being on a positive frequency.


4.       Surround yourself with people on the happy and positive frequency. They will influence your feeling mode for the better.


5.       Give your possible best to every situation and infuse good positive thoughts to the “rest” that you have no control over. It almost always gives you a great outcome.

Now, are you ready to start off your day with a refreshing burst of “Great Feeling Mode” it keeps you and people around you happy and makes your day easier and fun! Constantly check in with your feeling mode/frequency during the course of the day! How are you doing? Take stock at the end of the day. Did you do well? Could you have done better? If your answer is a yes, then you should be getting to work NOW! Let’s all usher in a great feeling mode with Spring! 


Happy first day of spring!

Lovingly yours,

Ogor

Making sure you are “Banking Right”...

So, I am sure we are all wondering what “banking” has to do with the topics explored by this blog and yet the truth is that “banking right” has a huge impact on our lives; on a personal and on a business level. Maya Angelou put it succinctly when she said, "when we know better, we tend to do better". A lot of people that I have spoken to through the years are good people in the core of their beings and yet inadvertently are “banking wrong”. They usually recognize the natural law of action and reaction or cause and effect, yet they fail to understand the magnitude and implication of this law. Christianity and most religions believe that you can only reap that which you sow.  

For me “banking right” means that it is usually what you put into your bank account that you get out from your ATM card. It may, depending on the precise nature of this bank account come back with huge interests and dividends. This holds true in personal relationships as well as in business relationships. As long as we are breathing, we are constantly banking every second, of every minute, of every hour of our lives; through our thoughts, words and actions towards others. The most important question we should be constantly asking as these seconds and minutes tick by is whether we are banking “right” or “wrong”. Life constantly tosses at us random banking transactions and gives us the opportunity to “bank right” and yet, some of us persistently choose to “bank wrong”. The most profound thing about banking “right” or “wrong” is that the result in each case has far-reaching consequences given that we are all inter-connected. Our families and friends are affected by our banking choices and consequences of the choices for good or for bad. Now, isn’t that enough reason for us to “bank right”.

For me, the number one reason why we should be kind, loving and nice to each other is simply because it is the right thing to do. You enrich the life of another and they in turn are happy and wish you well. It does not end there; you have also just completed a “right banking transaction!” You have banked away in your character vault, a wholesome, kind, and good gesture. Listen to this, it gets even better, it adds to the strength of your overall character and also comes back to you (may be not right away) in form of people, events and circumstances that replicate that good deed!

Check out the reverse scenario, people who constantly stick it to others and simply refuse to show love or kindness to other people, end up seriously hurting others through their actions and are never quite able to find peace or tranquility in their own lives even when they experience the pathetic satisfaction of seeing another human hurt or humiliated by them. They deplete their already ravaged character and most importantly ended up with the most horrid bank transaction! Life being the ATM machine will replicate their actions and channel it right back at them through similar events, similar people and similar circumstances.  

If you understand this law of banking right, it will no longer seem like a coincidence that someone like Oprah Winfrey is blessed beyond her wildest imagination. We see her “banking right” most of the time.

So what should we do when someone sticks it to us so badly and hurts us so deeply that we are really left with no other alternative (at least, we tend to think that) but to meet them at their horrid banking level. I will share a really personal and somewhat still raw experience that I encountered recently. An individual whom I called a friend and whom I brought into my home took advantage of me in a business transaction. I might also add that people warned me against this individual and I did not listenL. I trusted this person enough to believe that this individual would be fair, open and honest given the history that we had and the wonderful experiences that we shared.  I was devastated when I got the exact opposite result from this relationship. I was taken advantage of to the extent that I am still paying the monetary price of that mistake. My first gut reaction ( and what many advised me to do) was to file a suit against this person and have this person disgraced and pay for all that I was put through. However, given that I knew about the concept of banking right and the profound benefits to it, I chose to forgive this individual and set me eyes on higher grounds. 


You know, we often times fail to appreciate and be grateful for our lives and tend to let simple glitches or hiccups we encounter distract us from what we should do on a daily basis – show gratitude for the immense blessings in our lives.  A lawsuit would be “banking wrong” as it will result in more bad blood and negativity. Even as the monetary cost of this mistake weighs down on me, I am at peace knowing that I chose the higher road and that even though I am seemingly the fool in this transaction, I banked right in this scenario. This individual had just banked away some really negative and hefty stuff and I cannot help but wonder what waits this individual at the ATM.

On a business level, the truth remains that it is the way that you treat your clients that is a huge determinant of how far your business will grow. If you take advantage of them, stiff them with unnecessarily high and hidden fees, or treat them poorly, you might experience a huge temporary success but then you quickly dwindle to nothingness. If Bernard Madoff understood this law of “banking right”, he would have thought better about his Ponzi scheme and would not be seating in jail on a 150 years sentence. If these billion dollar companies understand the law of “banking right” they would do right by their customers and not be charging incessant hidden and unnecessary fees. If politician and leaders of the world understand this law of “banking right” the economic and social map of the world will be a lot better.

We do not have to be multi-millionaires or uber rich to apply this law of “banking right”, we only need to do it at our little level of actual day to day encounters with strangers, customers, family and friends. Instead of always frowning, opt to smile a little more and meet people’s glances as you pass them with our usual quick, “Hello, Good Morning, how are you. . .”  People generally never expect a pleasant greeting. you know they are pleasantly surprised when you see how their faces light up. You have infected them with the right mood! Bravo! You have just successfully completed the right bank transaction! Instead of sticking it to the person who has constantly stuck it to us, let us opt to play the fool who ultimately banks right!

Life will constantly throw your way banking scenarios through your thoughts about others, your actions towards another, and your words to others.  Would you choose to bank it “right”?

Lovingly yours,

Ogor

The Power of Self-belief . . .

“Anything is possible for those who can Believe” I am not sure who said this quote first, but I can attest to the profound truth inherent in this quote! Undoubtedly, most of the successful people in the world have a really healthy dose of “self-belief”.  So there must be a weighty correlation between self-belief and success. Self-belief when frequently utilized evolves in to “self-confidence”. In fact, we all need both traits before we can make great strides in whatever our endeavor or calling is! Self-belief and self-confidence are both essential hallmarks of success!

Now, what is self-belief? I see self-belief as that trait that makes us believe that we are capable (on our own) of navigating to our desired destination irrespective of the odds. Self-belief demands that we focus on our strengths and not on our weaknesses. Self-belief demands that we see ourselves only at the finish line and not be pre-occupied with how to get there because we already know that we only need to start moving and that someone, we would reach the finish line!

Generally, very successful people tend to believe that they CAN do whatever it is, and guess what . . .  They usually get it done despite the odds. On the other hand, less successful people usually doubt their self-worth and believe they may not be able to do whatever it is. It gets even worse for people like this, they would in fact come up with a million reasons why they are doomed to fail; and you know what, BINGO! – they fail! 

Bottom line, and most importantly, as Henry Ford put it, “whether you believe you can do a thing or not, either way you are right”.

 Self-confidence comes from a place of faith. The power of faith permeates every religion in the world including Christianity! The Bible is replete with amazing faith-based stories and quotes.  Self-confidence demands an unequivocal belief in yourself despite your limitations. You alone can decide to focus less on those limitations and more on your strength’s. I personally refer to “self-belief” as the “deal commencer” and “self-confidence”, as the “deal finisher”. You need self-belief to start whatever it is, and must walk along with self-confidence in order to pass the finish line. Do not bother starting a new venture when you lack these twin qualities! Without self-belief, and self-confidence, the future definitely becomes a series of uphill battles. It is only when you believe in yourself that you are able to bring others to your side, no matter what your calling is in life.  There are people we call “charismatic”, who may not necessarily be the most educated, smartest or best looking people in a room and yet; everyone in the room is instantly drawn to their magnetic energy!  They exude self-confidence and have an easy breezy personality about them. Ever met people like that? I have!

A lack of self-confidence permeates every inch of your being and always has abysmal outcomes. There is usually and quite honestly a sad trademark about people who lack these twin traits. People with little or no self-confidence usually thrive on pointing out flaws in others rather than fixing their own limitations and flaws. It is very important that we are comfortable in our own skin because our entire personality is constantly projecting either a healthy dose of self-confidence or a lack of it.  If you are seeking employment or trying to sell a product or an idea to another, your body language tells the potential buyer, whether you are worth giving a shot or not! It is that simple! A lack of self-belief and confidence is practically like going into a battle already defeated!

Let’s talk a little bit about limitations. No one comes custom-made with exact specifications. Every human being is conscious of a flaw or a limitation which can only become obvious to people and circumstances if we draw attention to it by exuding a lack of self-confidence. These limitations can also become huge obstacles to our confidence level if we dwell unnecessarily on them without finding ways to improve those limitations. Picture it like this, every person that you see (including yourself) is struggling with some limitation that they wish didn’t exist or that they could change and so, life essentially becomes a battle of who is better able to feel comfortable in their skin despite those limitations. You must trust in yourself and believe that you are good enough and deserving of beautiful and wonderful things in order for beautiful and wonderful things to happen to you.

To a large extent, most adults who struggle with this lack of belief in themselves actually may have been children who lacked encouragement from the adults and care-givers in their lives at a much younger age and then unconsciously assimilates this lack of self-belief into their psyche. This should be the number one reason why we must encourage our children and praise every little effort they make because it unconsciously molds them into confident adults. (and this can be hard when they push our buttons, but so worth doing)J

Wanna try some self-confidence tips and experience its transformational effects in your business and relationships? Here are some really helpful suggestions that work:

1. Love and adore yourself even with your limitations. Everyone is struggling with theirs. When you love yourself, people sense that you are comfortable in your own skin and are instantly drawn to you. Most importantly, people cannot find you lovable and loving when you cannot even cut yourself that slack ! For a lot of people that I know, having love in their lives can actually be a huge self-belief/confidence booster!
2. Commit only to seeing the finish line and picture yourself crossing it! Just start without over- analyzing the means. The “means” usually shows up when you start from a place of self-belief and faith.
3. Work on improving your limitation if you think it is a huge obstacle to your success.
4. Always believe in positive outcomes! Do not doubt or preempt a situation because you will usually get your expected outcome. Even an iota of doubt will always jinx what would have been favorable outcome.
5. Discover or re-discover a talent or hobby that has lain dormant inside of you for years. Hone that skill and perfect it. Doing what you do well and recording successes is a huge confidence booster!
6. Practice stepping out of your comfort zone often times. Repeat that thing which you find may be helpful to your carrier or your relationship but you aren't just comfortable with it yet. Keep at it and never give up. When you experience the gratification that comes with it, it gives you more impetus to believe in yourself!
7. Surround yourself with positive people who can applaud your strength and mildly point out your weaknesses. Essentially, People who believe in you. By the same token, try to be that person who can honestly tell another that they have faith in them. It’s really powerful That way, you are building your self-confidence and that of another person.
8.  Never wait to get a majority support before embarking on something that you believe in. Start with one percent support from a place of self-belief; when success comes knocking on your door, you will get 120% support. That is plain and simple human nature!
9. Practice seeing and acknowledging only the good in others and commend them for it! It usually comes back to you either directly or indirectly. It is also a huge confidence booster. Unduly focusing on others and their negatives will keep you in a negative place and bring further negative outcomes to you resulting in the depletion of your already ravaged self-belief and self-confidence.
10. Never believe anyone who tells you that you cannot do it because you can! Rid your life of people who always tell you that you cannot and are constantly looking for faults. They are toxic to your health and also to your life because you can unconsciously believe their truth for you which is quite different from your truth which is the one that matters! You are the sole captain of your ship! If you believe them, you are doomed for failure.

On a closing note, I know of people who have embraced this attitude of self-belief and self-confidence and watched their lives transform from ordinary to extraordinary. I have also seen people who have stood behind the same fence for years afraid to step into their destiny. Would you dare to step into your destiny?

Lovingly yours,

Ogor